


Winter's Bride

by LuckyBanana



Series: Odyssey and Oracle [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 18+ ONLY, Blood, Crying, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Happy Ending, Jealous Bucky Barnes, Making Out, NOT MCU TIMELINE COMPLIANT, OFC has minimal physical description, POV First Person, Plot, Romance, Smut, Violence, sort of a reader insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 17:28:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18579181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyBanana/pseuds/LuckyBanana
Summary: Barely three months into our marriage, my first assignment as an Avenger takes me thousands of miles away from Bucky Barnes. When things go south, Bucky must face his past in order to bring me home...





	1. Chapter 1

“Wake up, Sarah!” 

“Huh?” I said. 

Doctor Strange frowned. “You are wasting my time and yours. How am I supposed to help you if you don't CONCENTRATE,” he scolded. 

I rolled my eyes, but his words stung. He knew just how to piss me off. He knew that my powers were amplified when my emotions were running high, and the fact that his tactic usually worked only pissed me off more.

I looked at Kerri right in her foggy green eyes and she smiled. Doctor Strange's assistant was so much nicer to me than he was. “It's okay Sarah, I'm sure it's partially my fault. I'll try to broadcast louder,” she said. 

Strange snickered. “The whole point of this exercise is to break through the barriers of a shielded mind. This is pointless.”

“Hey, give her a break! You gotta start somewhere!” Kerri said, turning back to me. “Now, concentrate.”

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on Kerri's energy. I was trying to guess the card she held in her left hand. I tried to concentrate, but I couldn't pin down her thoughts. 

Because something else was coming through louder, rippling in little waves, crashing through my subconscious. These thoughts belonged to someone else entirely ...and they were decidedly sexy. 

Kerri suddenly giggled. 

“Sorry,” I said, blushing. 

“Someone is waiting for you!” she laughed. 

I looked at my watch, I was late for dinner. 

I huffed in frustration. Instead of reading Kerri's mind, I'd picked up on husband's thoughts… 20 floors up. And to make matters worse, I accidentally broadcast these thoughts to Kerri. 

I put my head in hands, “God, I feel like I'm getting worse at this, rather than better.”

“So do I,” Strange sneered. 

Kerri whacked him on the shoulder, “Lighten up, would you?” she said. “Look, Sarah, nobody said this was going to be easy, but you ARE doing better, believe me.” 

“Thanks Kerr,” I said, but I wasn't convinced.

“Let's call it a day, shall we? We'll pick this up on Monday.” 

I nodded and got off my stool. Strange marched out of the room without saying another word to me. I quietly flipped the bird to his back, and Kerri giggled. 

“How do you work with that guy?” I asked her. 

“Oh, he's not so bad when he isn't on his period.”

“Well I'm just glad that I get to practice reading your mind instead of his,” I said. “I have a feeling his mind is a scary place.”

“Oh, he would never let you anyway,” Kerri said. “That man is full of secrets…”

*  
I hurried to the elevator and was whisked up to the 23rd floor. I began to get excited merely at the knowledge that soon I would see him. 

“There’s my babydoll,” he smiled. He was waiting by the doorway, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, eyebrows lifted. “You're late.”

Damn. He never failed to take my breath away. His grey-blue eyes that saw into my soul, his messy brown hair, his broad chest and muscular arms… He approached me slowly and pressed his lips to mine, his hands snaking around my waist, enveloping me in his warmth. I kissed him back eagerly. 

“Sorry sweetheart…” I mumbled. “I would have come home earlier but I was having trouble concentrating. SOMEBODY was intent on distracting me from my training.” 

He chuckled. “I couldn't help it,” he whispered in my ear. “I had to give you a taste of what I'm going to do to you tonight.” 

All the blood swiftly rushed to my face. He ran his hands up my back and into my hair. I was never more glad that we had our own place. Tony had given us an entire floor of the tower as a wedding gift. 

How did I get so lucky? How did I become the wife of the hottest Avenger?

It's a long story. 

I'd been trapped in another dimension, one devoid of magic. No enhanced people existed there. It was a place where heroes and villains were not so clearly defined. I was a prisoner, an outcast, and it wasn't until I was sucked into this dimension that I finally found my home. More than a home, I found the love of my life. A man that had died a hundred years ago in my world was very much alive in this one. He saved my life. We were both broken, but together we made a whole. The rest is history. 

He began to nip and suck at my neck and I thought he would take me right there, in the hallway, against the wall. 

*BANG BANG BANG*

“Shit,” we said in unison. 

“I completely forgot!” I frowned. 

He reluctantly freed me from his arms and I rushed to answer the door. 

“Hey guys!” I said with mock enthusiasm. 

Steve and Nat walked into the flat; Steve looked dapper in a powder blue velvet jacket, and Nat was a total knockout in a fitted violet dress. 

“Hey girl! You're not even dressed!” Steve cried in an amusingly high pitched shriek. 

“I'm sorry, it totally slipped my mind.” 

“Thor would legit cry if he heard you say that,” Nat said. 

I laughed. “I know, I'm sorry! I won't be a minute,” I turned to my husband. “Are you SURE you don't want to come?” 

“Naw, you know Tony's parties aren't really my thing. You go ahead and have fun.” 

“Are you sure?” 

He smiled. 

“Okay,” I said, working hard to conceal my disappointment. “I love you Bucky.”

“Love you too, doll.” 

*  
The ball room was dim, and tasteful twinkling white lights hung from the ceiling. It was crowded, but thankfully, it was a comparatively small event considering it was a Tony Stark party. All the Avengers who were not out on assignment were assembled there, along with Agents and friends, gathered to celebrate the God of Thunder’s birthday. And what's more, tonight I would finally meet him. 

So I squeezed myself into a black cocktail dress and doused myself in champagne as soon as we arrived. Nat said that Thor was a softy, but I was nervous. In a room full of famous superheroes he was, like... FAMOUS. I still didn't feel like a real member of the Avengers, and I couldn't help wanting their strongest and most illustrious member to like me. 

Steve and Nat were dancing, so I was alone, trying not to be overwhelmed by the flurry of people. Then I felt someone tap my shoulder. 

I swirled around, Doctor Strange was behind me, holding out a glass of champagne. I had to admit, he looked pretty dashing in his fitted tux, though it was offset by the cutting look in his eye. “I believe I owe you...an apology...Ms. White.” He seemed to be choking on the words. 

“It's Mrs. Barnes,” I said, and took the champagne from him. 

He snickered. “Yes...well, Kerri brought it to my attention that my training methods were slightly...aggressive.”

I nodded but didn't respond, which seemed to frustrate him. Good. 

“I merely wish to push you to your full potential. Sometimes I forget to be...polite.” 

I giggled. It was sort of charming that he was attempting to be nice to me. At the sound of my laughter his face softened slightly. 

“Don't worry about it, Doc,” I relented. “I get it. And believe it or not, I'm tougher than I look.” 

We smiled at each other. Kerri had warned me not to try and read Strange’s mind, but I couldn't help myself. I relaxed and breathed out slowly, searching for him. And what I found was like nothing I'd experienced before. It was like hitting a brick wall, and it almost knocked the wind out of me. I don't know if Strange knew what I was trying to do, but if he did, he didn't let on. He just stared straight ahead and sipped his champagne. 

Reading minds was kind of hit or miss for me. Sometimes it came so easily, usually with friends or people experiencing strong emotions. And what really bothered me, was that I had trouble guarding my own thoughts, and sometimes I broadcast what I'm feeling to those around me, like what happened in the lab with Kerri. 

Except when it came to Bucky. With Bucky, it was easy. Our minds were open to each other right from the start. We could hold entire conversations without opening our mouths. And what's more, we could silence our thoughts as well. If I didn't want Bucky to know what I was thinking, I could block him out easily. The amount of control I had with him was astounding. But I still hadn't figured out how to have that kind of control with someone who I wasn't fucking. 

I was working hard to hone my skills and protect myself. I was working so hard in fact, that I barely had any time with my husband since our honeymoon. After long days in the lab, I was so exhausted, we did little else but fall into bed together, sometimes too tired to even make love. It was bumming me out. And Bucky too. Neither of us thought married life would be like this. 

I was jarred out of my stupor by the sound of booming laughter. At last, the man of the hour had arrived, and he was coming towards me. 

The rumours were not exaggerated when it came to his looks. He was a huge man with bulging muscles, dirty blonde hair and soft eyes. I expected him to be...scarier, but I was actually quite at ease when he approached me. 

“Ah, this must be the new Mrs. Barnes!” he exclaimed, taking my hand and kissing it softly. I giggled. 

“And even more beautiful than advertised!” 

Advertised?

I snorted. “Yeah...right.” I blushed. I took a chance and delved into his mind, and found it surprisingly open. He was being sincere. I smiled. “Very nice to meet you,” I managed. 

He didn't let go of my hand, in fact, he was pulling me towards him ever so slightly. I let him.

“And you as well! How are you liking being part of our Avengers?” He had a weird way of taking, boisterous but sweet. 

“Well I haven't really had the chance to Avenge anything yet…”

Thor burst into exaggerated laughter and I couldn't help but laugh too. It was infectious. Doctor Strange rolled his eyes. It was funny, they were total opposites. Strange, so closed off and ornery - and Thor, so warm and open. 

“And where is your new husband this evening? Surely he wouldn't miss my birthday party!” Thor exclaimed. 

“Right here, big guy.”

Double damn. Bucky had come after all, and did he ever look smokin hot. I loved it when he dressed up. He wore a fitted dark grey suit and tie, and his hair was tidy and pushed back from his forehead. My mouth hung open as he kissed me on the cheek. Would I ever get used to this? I could eat him with a spoon.

“Sergeant Barnes!” Thor cried gleefully and scooped Bucky up into a big bear hug. “I am so pleased you could come!” He placed Bucky back on his feet. “I am sorry I could not attend your marriage ceremony. Alas, I was needed off-world. But I am quite delighted by your choice of bride!” 

I hiccupped. 

Bucky smiled and pulled me to him by the waist. “Me too,” he said. 

*  
I kicked my shoes off and relished in the feeling of the soft carpet against my sore feet. I fell onto the couch in a mock swoon, and Bucky tumbled after. The night had been glorious, full of laughter, dancing and booze. Bucky was a fantastic dancer, and he made it look easy. He'd kept me on the dancefloor until almost 3am. I was beyond grateful that he'd decided to come to the party, and I told him so. 

“Why the change of heart?” I asked. 

“Well… I missed you, obviously. I feel like I barely get any time with you. It was worth the cost of having to socialise.” 

There was more to it, I knew it. I probed his mind. He wouldn't let me in. 

I pouted. “Aaand…?” 

“Aaand… I was jealous okay? I don't like the way he looks at you.” There it was. 

“Thor? He's a big ol' teddy bear…” 

“I don't mean Thor. Thor flirts with everyone. Thor flirts with ME,” Bucky said. 

I furrowed my brow. Then it came through. 

“Doctor Strange?” I was flabbergasted. “I'm pretty sure he hates me.”

Bucky just shook his head. “I thought you were supposed to be psychic or something?” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. 

“...or something.” I frowned. Bucky had to be mistaken. Strange was a cold, distant, arrogant…

“Hey, let's talk about something else, okay?” He wrapped his strong metal arm around me and pulled me close so I could rest my head on his shoulder. I wasn't sure how I should feel about Bucky's jealousy, so I decided that it was kind of sexy. 

“How about less talk, more kissing?” I volunteered. 

Bucky smiled, then his lips were on mine. He pushed me back firmly until my back was pressing against the armrest of the couch. My hands were in his hair and my legs were wrapped around his waist.

Suddenly, he reached down and yanked my legs forward so I flopped down flat on the couch. I giggled. I loved it when he was forceful. His eyes were smoldering as he peeled off my dress and slowly pulled off my stockings. Then he was between my legs, sucking and biting the way he knew I liked it, until I was coming violently, loudly, against his mouth. 

“Fuck me Sergeant,” I begged. 

He leaned down to kiss me then whispered, “Tell me you love me…”

“I love you.” 

“Tell me you're mine.”

“I'm yours, James, always yours…” 

I closed my eyes and he did as he was told.


	2. Chapter 2

“Bucky, please!!!” I shouted. 

“Stop calling me that!” 

He lifted me off the floor by the neck, and unable to speak, I tried to read his mind. It was cold, dark, metal...there was nothing to hold on to. My vision began to fade. 

He threw me across the room. I could feel my ribs shatter as I collided with the wall. Before I passed out, I looked into his grey-blue eyes. There was nothing in them of the man I loved, just blind rage, violence and death…

*  
“Wake up, Sarah!!!” 

When I saw his face, I screamed bloody murder. He recoiled with a look of extreme alarm and concern. Then I came to my senses and realized it was just Bucky. My Bucky. I crumpled into his arms, sobbing heavily. 

“Shh... _draga mea,_ ” he held me close to his chest, stroking my hair. “You haven't had a nightmare in so long, I thought…”

“Me too,” I sat up and rubbed my eyes, but the tears continued to fall. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Just thinking about the dream I just had, I started to get hysterical again. I prayed to God that it was just my subconscious tormenting me, and not a prophetic dream. If I ever lost Bucky… if he ever turned into that monster again... it was worse than a nightmare. I buried my face in my hands. 

Bucky didn't speak, just gently caressed my back. My breathing slowly returned to normal, and I raised my head to look at the clock. “Fuck, I'm going to be late for work,” I said pathetically. 

“Sarah, you're shaking.” Bucky furrowed his brow. “I think you should stay home today.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but I didn't have the strength. 

“Besides,” Bucky smiled gently. “I have the day off. Please let me take care of you.” I knew Strange would be pissed that I missed the training that I so desperately needed, but I was too emotionally and physically exhausted to care. I nodded.

“Good! I'll make you breakfast,” he didn't push me to talk. One of the many things I loved about him, he always gave me space when I needed it. Bucky got up and went to the kitchen, and I flopped back down on the bed, trying to calm my shattered nerves. I could never tell Bucky about my dream. He would think I was afraid of him. It would break his heart. 

*  
Hours later, I was lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket burrito up to my neck. Bucky sat with his arms around me, a movie playing quietly. I kept my mind carefully sheltered all morning, so Bucky couldn’t tell how distressed I really was. He didn't push it. 

I looked at him, he was biting his lower lip, absorbed in a particularly thrilling part of the movie. His eyes sparkled like a child. Sometimes I forgot how much he'd missed while he was asleep. He'd never seen Star Wars before, and he was transfixed. 

I couldn't believe that this sweet, kind, loveable dude had been capable of inflicting so much pain. Even though it wasn't really his fault - there was something dangerous and alluring about Bucky Barnes - from his shaded past to his metal arm. He could be a walking weapon if he wanted to be - a brick shithouse. He could do anything he wanted… have anyone he wanted… but instead he chose to cuddle with me on the couch. Being with him was endlessly exciting. 

Bucky peered at me out of the corner of his eye, then slowly turned his head, catching me staring. “What?” 

“You're cute.”

“Shut up,” he smiled and pulled me closer. 

I twisted my body towards him and swam through the blankets until I was straddling his lap. 

“Oh hello.”

“Hi,” I said and claimed his lips. 

“Feeling better?” he asked between kisses. 

“Much.”

His hands rested softly on my hips. He was barely touching me, and it was driving me crazy. He smirked as I bucked my hips against him - he knew exactly what he was doing. 

I whined softly then reached down to take his hand in mine. I guided it up under my shirt. Bucky hummed softly as he slid his other hand down between my legs. My breath hitched with anticipation. Slowly he spread me open and slipped two cold fingers inside me. 

“Don't be gentle,” I whispered. 

He groaned against my mouth. Then ripped my panties apart. He freed himself and swiftly pushed inside me. If I hadn't been so wet, it would have hurt. 

He didn't give me a chance to catch my breath before he thrust into me violently, setting a brutal pace. He spread my legs even further and swung me around, slamming my back into the couch. 

He was heavy on top of me. I could barely breathe, but I didn't care. I was delirious with pleasure, I felt crazed, like an animal. He pushed my hands up over my head and held me down, keeping up his relentless pounding.

I cried out, my vision blurring as I vibrated around him. Waves of pleasure made me shake beneath him. Bucky leaned forward and bit down, moaning against the flesh of my neck as he came inside me. 

He collapsed on top of me, still between my legs. I held him as close as I could. Warm feelings of love and devotion radiated from his skin, causing a feeling of electricity to shoot down my spine and into my toes. 

I sighed and he lifted his head. “You doing okay, doll?” 

I didn't think it was possible to love someone this much. It was completely overwhelming. I felt tears start to prickle my eyes, but I started to laugh. 

“We've definitely broken-in the new couch,” I said, finally. 

Bucky chuckled and buried his face in my hair. 

*  
I woke up drenched in sweat. I was insanely hot, and I soon discovered that it was because there was a naked boy asleep half on top of me. I wiggled out from under him, careful not to wake him up. He looked like an angel when he slept. 

I grabbed my phone from the coffee table. There was a notification. 

_My office, 9am. Do not be late._

My heart sank.

***  
I counted to three before opening the door. I thought I was gonna puke. I hated that he had such an effect on me. If Doctor Strange was going to give me a lecture, I might as well get it over with. It's not like he could kick me out of the Avengers for missing a day of training… could he?

I set my jaw and walked in. I was relieved to see Kerri sitting on the desk, she smiled warmly when I entered. “Good morning Sarah! I'm glad you're feeling better!” she said.

Strange merely frowned. He didn't bother looking up from his tablet, “Have a seat, Ms. Wh...Barnes,” he muttered. 

I sat. A moment passed. I was about to mutter an apology when he spoke. 

“It seems to be time for your first assignment,” he said, finally looking up. 

“Really? I didn't think…”

“SHIELD has been working on a top secret facility to study the power of telepathically gifted individuals. Because of your abilities, you have been selected to help with the project.” 

“But I'm not…” I started. 

Kerri interrupted, she was bursting at the seams. “No, it's perfect Sarah. The kind of equipment that they have at the facility - you wouldn't believe it. You are one step away from having complete power over your abilities, I can feel it!” 

“You will make a fine guinea pig for testing, before we bring in the real subjects.” Strange said. 

I grimaced. 

Kerri rolled her eyes. “Don't listen to him. I need you on this project, Sarah. Please say yes.” 

“Of course, yes!” I threw up my hands. “When do we start?” 

“They are still setting up the facility, but we can go anytime! As soon as you're ready,” Kerri said.

“Well, I'm as ready as I'll ever be!” 

“I thought you might want some time to pack…”

“Pack?” 

“Yeah… the lab is in Prudhoe Bay.”

I cocked my head to the side. 

“It's in Northern Alaska.”


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky lovingly smushed the last of my clothes into my suitcase and began to zip it up. 

“Wait! I forgot this,” I said, holding up the oversized grey hoodie. Bucky's hoodie. My bottom lip trembled. 

“ _Pisicuță_ … don't start again, you're going to get me going,” he said. 

“I'm sorry I just… am a huge wimp.” Tears. 

“No you're not,” Bucky gathered me into his arms. 

“Kerri said that initial testing will take about three months. That's longer than we've been married!” 

“I know…” he patted my back. 

“Maybe I can postpone…”

“Sarah…”

“I know… nobody said being a superhero would be easy. But Alaska? That's four thousand miles away! That's a bit excessive… and it's not like I'm doing anything particularly ‘heroic’...” I was rambling. 

“Your work is very important…” 

“Important like a hole in the head.”

Bucky sighed. “A little bit of time apart won't kill us,” Bucky continued to stroke my back. “I'm a hundred years old, remember? Three months is a drop in the bucket.” He sounded awfully sure of himself, while I was crumbling. 

I delved into his mind. His thoughts were not as calm as his outward exterior would suggest. He was worried about me. He didn't want me to leave any more than I did. Somehow that made me feel so much better. 

“I can't believe I won't be able to fall asleep with you every night.”

“Me too. But the minute I get some time off, I'll come visit you. And I'll FaceTime you.” 

“FaceTime? Ooo… Mister Technology.” 

“The future is now.” 

“Can we have phone sex?” 

He chuckled. “Anything for you, princess.”

*  
“Wake up, Sarah.” 

I snorted. “Are we here?”

“Just about!” Kerri cried. 

I looked out the window of the jet and my eyes burned. The sun scorched my retinas as it reflected off the vast fields of snow. The landscape was dotted with a few buildings. They looked small from our height and they were few and far between. We finally landed on a small tarmac near a large warehouse. The next closest structure had to be 20 miles away. 

It was after 10pm when we landed, but the sun was still shining. In fact, we wouldn't see darkness again for over a month. It was a weird feeling, and I idly wondered if one could go insane without the darkness. It was cool, but not as cold as I was expecting so far north. 

Kerri and I disembarked from the plane. It was just the two of us, Doctor Strange had pointed out that he was much too busy and important to leave the city and would check on our progress in a couple of weeks. Thank god. Being locked away in a godforsaken arctic wasteland with that primadonna was not my idea of fun. 

Three men came forward to greet us, one wearing a lab coat, and the others were, well… they were huge. They stood tall and stone faced, hands behind their backs. They looked a lot more like guards than scientists. 

Kerri ran ahead of me and directly into the embrace of the man in the lab coat. “Sarah, please allow me to introduce my brother, Liam.”

“I didn't know you had a brother,” I said. 

He shared her foggy green eyes, and her good looks, but he was decidedly more masculine. He shook my hand. 

The moment he touched my hand, I knew something wasn't right. I reached out to read his mind, but I was faced with a wall. He was either blocking me out on purpose, or he was a sociopath. Neither of these options filled me with confidence. 

“I'm very pleased to meet you,” he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. “These are my lab assistants, Hugh and Anton.”

Lab assistants? Really? They nodded coldly.

Kerri giggled, sensing my anxiety. “Don't mind them, Sarah. They've just been up north too long.” She put on a mocking voice and poked Hugh in the stomach, “Haven't you, big guy?” He smirked, but only for a second. 

“I'm sorry you had to travel such a long way, Sarah,” Liam said as we walked to the bunker. “But as Kerri already told you, we need to be as isolated as possible, to avoid interference from psychic pollution.” 

“People's minds can be awfully noisy.” Kerri said. 

“So, how big is the team?” I asked.

“Just us. And Eleanor, she helps keep us fed and clothed.” Liam smiled. That fake smile…

I was taken aback. A building as big as an airplane hanger had only six people working there?

“The rest of the researchers will be coming in a few days,” Liam said. “And once the equipment is up and running, we can start bringing in the subjects for analysis.” 

We arrived at the entrance to the bunker, which had a huge metal door with a convoluted locking mechanism controlled by various bolts and knobs. Hugh reached down and rolled up the door. 

“Welcome to Project Odyssey.” Liam said. 

Once my eyes adjusted to the dim interior, I was pleasantly surprised. The space had been some kind of military storage facility, with a huge amount of floor space, metal beams and tiny windows near the roof. But they had made a little workspace with temporary walls that were painted a soft blue. There was even artwork hanging, soothing landscapes and pastoral scenes. The new equipment shined in the dim lighting: new monitors with sensors attached, examination tables and state of the art medical equipment including an MRI machine. 

I whistled, impressed. Kerri chuckled. “There's not much you can't get with Stark money!” she said. “Would you like to have a look at the equipment?” 

“Umm…” I was feeling overwhelmed, and my suitcase pulled heavily on my arm like a lead weight. 

“You must be exhausted,” she said, noticing my distress. “Let's find our rooms, shall we?” 

It was well past 2am in New York City, but Bucky had promised to wait up until I called him. I already missed him so much.

We walked to the back of the bunker, and down a cold dark hallway to the dormitory. “This is you,” Kerri announced. We came to another metal door with a plaque of digits reading 0676 and the initials WB. 

I opened the door and my heart sank. There were no windows, it was cold and concrete. There was a set of drawers and a lamp, but the bed was hardly more than a cot in the corner. Stark Tower it was not. 

Kerri frowned too. “Sorry, hon. Liam told me they didn't have a chance to fix up the dorms yet…”

I put on a brave face. “It's no problem, really. How much time will I be spending in my room anyway?” 

“That's the spirit!” she said. “But, I do have a small bit of bad news. They're having trouble with the satellite, and we can't get any cell or internet service.” 

My face fell and I didn't try to hide it this time.

Kerri pulled me into a hug, “I'm sorry Sarah, this must be a huge adjustment for you,” she said. “I can't tell you how much I appreciate you uprooting your life for this project.” 

“Don't worry about it, Kerri. I'm just glad to be of help.” 

Kerri smiled and left me to my thoughts. 

I looked around at my spartan surroundings. Then I looked at my phone: no service. I thought maybe if I stared at it long enough, I could somehow will it to work. I flopped down on the bed, covered my face with my hands and cried. 

***  
Bucky Barnes paced the floor. He looked down at his phone for the millionth time. 

Nothing. 

He tried to think rationally. She's busy. She's sleeping. She can't get a signal. She's fine. 

It was no good. 

Because his heart told him something else. Something was wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

The walls were moving. They were slowly coming towards me, then back out again, like they were breathing. There was no colour here, just shades of grey and deep deep shadows. My wrists were bound, and I found I couldn't move my legs either. I thought I was back at the asylum, it had the same air of captivity. But no, my room there had windows. 

Liam came into the room. He didn't speak. He placed a metal caliper around my head, pressing painfully on the tender dip in my temples. Suddenly, waves of white hot pain seared through my skull accompanied by the distinct smell of burning flesh...

*  
“You better calm down or I'm going to smack you.” 

Bucky just shook his head. 

“Doesn't it occur to you that she's in the far FAR north? She probably can't get a line out,” Nat said, reasonably. 

“I see what you're saying, Nat. But something is wrong, I can feel it.”

Nat rolled her eyes, “She’s the psychic one, not you, remember? You're just being paranoid.” 

If looks could kill, Nat would be dead meat. 

“Okay, okay… I'm sorry. I know you're worried.” She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “If she doesn't call by tomorrow, have Strange portal you there.” 

“Yeah, that'll happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“Strange hates me.” 

“Strange hates everybody.”

Bucky frowned. “No, I'm pretty sure he'd be glad to keep me and Sarah apart for as long as possible.”

*  
Sound radiated through my head, making my eardrums vibrate painfully. I shrieked, sitting bolt upright in bed. 

What was this unholy fuckery???

No, wait… it was just the sound of the insanely shrill old school alarm clock on my bedside table. I slammed my hand down on it. If it were a person I would have murdered it. I groaned and flopped back down on my pillow. 

I hadn't slept well, but when I did manage to catch a few minutes rest, I was haunted by disturbing and vivid dreams. 

A feeling of foreboding weighed heavily in my stomach. Everything seemed just a little off about the place. The creepy guard men and Kerri's creepy brother gave me the creeps. It was all just a little too creepy. 

If it wasn't for Kerri, I would have thought I was being kidnapped by HYDRA. But every time I looked into Kerri's mind, I found warm, comforting thoughts, preoccupied with enthusiasm about her research, and affection towards me. 

I figured it would be best to get going, start working so I could get over my anxiety - and the physically painful homesickness that I was already feeling. Well, not really homesickness, more like Buckysickness. 

I showered and dressed quickly. I found the kitchen, further down the shadowy hallway past about fifteen heavy metal doors identical to the door of my own room. 

I was relieved to find it warm and bright, and the smell of bacon made my stomach growl. A woman was at the stove, humming to herself softly. She was younger than I thought she would be, early twenties at most. 

I cleared my throat and she spun around. “You must be Eleanor,” I said.

“Don't sneak up on me!!” she shrieked, then clamped her hand over her mouth.

“I'm sorry! I…” 

“No no no, I'm sorry. Forgive me,” she started wiping down the kitchen counter frantically, though it didn't really look dirty. “I'm so jumpy in the mornings. It's all this daylight. Day in, day out. Always morning. Doesn't let you sleep. It's always so sunny. Even when it's cloudy - it's so bright. It doesn't let you rest. What can I get you for breakfast? You'll need to eat. Keep your strength up. What can I get you?” 

I gaped, as Kerri bounced into the kitchen. “Morning Ellie!” she kissed the young woman on the cheek. “Oh, you made eggs and bacon! How thoughtful!” she said, getting plates for both of us. 

I looked down at the plate. “Oh… umm, I'm actually a Vegan.” 

Kerri looked at me. “Really?”

“No,” I snorted. “Thank God.”

“Ha ha… right. So are you excited to get started?” 

“Oh yes. I can't wait to play with the shiny things. And buttons that make a beeping sound when you press them “ 

Kerri laughed, “Okay, I'll see you in the lab in a little while then!” She smiled and bounced out of the room, plate in hand. 

I finished my breakfast quickly. I didn't love being left in the kitchen with Eleanor. She kept washing dishes, then taking them out of the drying rack, and washing them again. Over and over. 

I hurried to the main wing, to the makeshift lab they'd created. 

“Hey, is Eleanor… okay?” 

Kerri giggled. “Yeah, I'm sorry. I should have told you. Eleanor is a little eccentric. She's special… like you. But she doesn't handle it as well as you do.” 

“Really? You mean she has telepathic abilities?”

“Some. But not nearly as strong as yours.” 

I nodded. I could see how those powers could make someone go crazy. I was basically raised in a mental institution, so crazy was kinda my normal. 

“So!” Kerri clapped her hands together. “Shall we get started?” 

“Let's rock n roll.” 

“Great! Have a seat.” 

I frowned and looked down. The seat had what looked like a metal halo around the headrest. It was large and imposing, and made of heavy steel. There were leather restraints at the wrists and ankles. It reminded me of an electric chair.

“Umm… hell no, dude. I'm not sitting in that thing.” 

“Oh Sarah, I'm not going to electrocute you, don't be silly.” 

“Promise you won't use those,” I said, pointing to the leather straps. 

I looked into her mind: she was amused, and intent on keeping me calm. “I promise,” she said. 

I sat on the chair and a chill ran down my spine. 

Kerri sat on a stool next to me, clipboard in hand. “Okay, questions first. Can you tell me a little bit about your abilities?” 

“Well, I guess I can read minds. But not all the time, and not with everybody. And sometimes I can see the future, but it's more like I can see the results of people's decisions before they make them. And I often have prophetic dreams, but they are convoluted, and often blurred by my subconscious.”

“Okay, okay good,” Kerri said. “Can you tell me a little bit more about your limitations?” 

I breathed out in a huff. “I have trouble interpreting the images that I see. Like, I don't know what is the future, and what just my own psychosis,” I explained. 

“I see, we can help with that.” Kerri said, scribbling something on her notepad. 

“Also, when I try to look into some people's minds, I hit a brick wall. I can't get in… like….” I was about to mention her brother, but I thought the better of it. “Uh, I guess I don't have very much control over my mind reading. Except with Bucky…” I smiled. 

“Tell me about Bucky.”

“What do you want to know, you perv?” 

Kerri snickered. 

“Well, with Bucky it's always been easy. His mind is so open to mine, and mine to his. We can have full conversations without speaking, it's amazing. I guess it's because well, we're pretty emotionally attached.” 

Kerri smiled, “That's perfect. Okay! We can get started with some testing now.” She swiveled on her chair and retrieved a small metal box from the workbench. “I have something very special to show you.” 

She opened the box slowly. Inside, lay a small crystal. It was glowing with a pale yellow light. 

“Pretty,” I said. 

“Not just pretty. Powerful,” she explained. “This is the Lucidity Stone. We were able to synthesize it right here in this lab, using a microscopic sliver of the Mind Stone. We theorize that using it can enhance someone's psychic abilities tenfold.” 

“Neat.” 

Kerri giggled, “Are you ready?” 

“It depends on what you're going to do with that thing.” 

“I'm just going to place it on your forehead. It shouldn't take long to clear some of those cobwebs away, so you can start seeing more clearly.” 

“If you say so.” 

“Okay, I'm just going to lay you on your back. Try to relax.” 

I tensed. 

“Don't worry, Sarah. I promise this won't hurt.” 

I lay back and she lowered my seat so I was lying down. Then she grabbed a metal contraption that reminded me of those plastic things that you put on your head in the board game Headbands. 

She secured the headband across my forehead, “Comfortable? Not too tight?” 

I gave her the thumbs up. 

“Okay, now just breathe, and relax.” She picked up the crystal with a pair of tweezers, and gently, she lowered the stone into the receptacle in the headband. 

The minute the stone touched my skin, I was blind. All I saw was a pure white light, crashing against the inside of my skull like a tidal wave. She was right, it didn't hurt, but it was incredibly intense. I cried out, but I couldn't hear my voice. My stomach lurched, and I thought I would throw up. Then the white light faded away, and was replaced with a myriad of images, so sharp that they were hard to look out. Things began to fall into place, and a deep sense of understanding came over me; and with it, intense fear.

I knew I was in trouble. I was so stupid, so incredibly stupid… 

“You bitch!” I screamed. I tried to get up, but found that my wrists and ankles had been bound. 

“Oh, calm down you stupid girl,” Liam had entered the room, and was tinkering with something on my chair. 

“Why are you doing this?” 

“Because we can,” Liam said. 

As soon as Kerri had removed the stone from my head, I had been able to see into her mind, her true mind. In fact, I could see Liam's mind too, and Eleanor's, far away in her kitchen. What I saw was chilling. 

The bunker was indeed an old HYDRA facility, and the chair that I sat in was the very one that had turned my husband into a monster, all those years ago. 

“James Barnes has been a thorn in my side for years, as he was the one who discovered that I was a spy for HYDRA. Four years I was locked up, like an animal,” Liam snarled. “But I suppose I should thank him, because he was also my means of escape.” 

I remembered the night I had to stitch up Bucky. He'd sustained a massive gash to his abdomen after interrogating a prisoner, a spy from HYDRA. He was trying to get information to help me… 

“He busted me up pretty bad that night. You think that he's a good man?” Liam shook his head. “He showed no mercy. I almost died. And I let him believe that I did. Luckily my sister was able to smuggle me out before I succumbed to my injuries.” 

I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I didn't want to believe it, but I could see it in Liam's mind as clear as if it had been my own memory. “Kerri, how could you do this to me?” 

“Oh, very easily,” Kerri said. “Your mind was so vulnerable, it was almost laughable. You didn't even have the slightest inkling that I was a psychic too. You couldn't even guess my card!” She laughed bitterly. “Pathetic.” 

“We're reinstating the Winter Soldier initiative. With a little bonus,” Liam said. “His first task will be to kill everyone he cares about - including you.” 

“Why did you bother opening my mind, showing me the truth, if you were just using me as bait?”

“Because, idiot. Barnes has been largely deprogrammed,” Kerri spat. “The trigger words won't work anymore. Unless, someone has access to the deepest recesses of his unconscious mind. You two are inextricably linked, but still, you were too weak to pull it off without help from the crystal.” 

“And what makes you think I'll do it now? I'd rather die than hurt Bucky.” 

“Well, princess, you won't have a choice, will you?” Liam shoved my seat back to the upright position, he lowered the metal halo so it surrounded my head. He took a metal caliper and pressed it against the tender dip in my temples. “You might want to bite down,” he shoved a guard into my mouth. “This IS going to hurt.” 

Kerri flicked a switch, and the chair sparked to life. 

Pain. 

Searing, angry pain shot through my entire body. With it, everything that made me ME was erased. 

It was over quickly, and when I opened my eyes again, I was calm. 

Kerri and Liam looked at each other. “Tell me about your abilities,” Kerri asked. 

“I can read your mind.” 

“What am I thinking?”

I looked at her. “You are pleased. Your plan worked perfectly.” 

“Tell me about your limitations.” 

I paused. “I can sense no limitations.” 

Kerri and Liam smiled at each other.

“Tell me about Bucky,” Kerri said. 

I looked at her and furrowed my brow. “Who the hell is Bucky?”


	5. Chapter 5

*BANG BANG BANG* 

“Yes? What is it??” 

Bucky Barnes opened the door to Doctor Strange's office - actually, he basically threw it open. 

“Can I help you Sergeant Barnes?” Strange didn't bother looking up from his work. 

“It's Sarah,” he frowned. “I haven't heard from her since she left for her mission.” 

“I'm sorry that your wife hasn't found the time to call you, Sergeant. But it has only been a few days. Scientific research can be very engrossing,” Strange said, condescendingly. 

Bucky shook his head and put his fists on the desk. Strange looked up. 

“No, she promised she would call. This is not like her,” Bucky said. “How do we know that she even arrived safely?” 

“Kerri has already sent me a confirmation that they've arrived as planned. There is no cause for concern.” 

Bucky stood up straight and frowned, crossing his arms, “Something isn't right, I can't feel it,” he said. “What do we know about Kerri anyway?” 

“She's been my assistant for several months now; she's a very gifted young woman. She came very highly recommended.” 

“By who?” 

Strange started to get annoyed, “By SHIELD,” he threw down his tablet and stood up. “She's been working for SHIELD since she graduated at the top of her class at MIT in biomedical engineering. Is that qualified enough for you?” 

“What about before that?” 

“Sergeant, I would appreciate it if you didn't take up any more of my time with your marital problems…”

Bucky slammed his fists down on the desk, “I'm telling you man! Something isn't right! Are you going to help me or not?” he shouted. 

At that very moment, Bucky felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. 

“Well?” Strange frowned. 

“It's her…” Bucky said, putting the phone to his ear. A few minutes later, he hung up.

“And? Is she still alive?” 

Bucky looked down at the phone. “She's fine she just…” He shook his head. “She said she wants me to come to the facility, to see what she's working on…”

“What, are you afraid that you won't understand it?” Strange snickered.

Bucky ignored him and said, “she seemed… cold.” 

*  
“So, when will he be here?” 

“Within the hour,” I said. 

“And did he suspect anything?” 

“He was too relieved to be suspicious. He cares for her deeply,” I frowned. The Soldier had a nice voice. 

“Very well done,” Kerri said, nodding. “When he arrives, you will not have much time. He will sense that something is wrong almost immediately. Do you understand what you have to do?”

“I understand.” 

*  
Bucky fell through the portal - somewhat ungracefully - from about 8 feet up, into a snowbank. He rolled to his feet and onto the tarmac, brushing the snow from his clothes and cursing. He squinted against the bright sun as he walked towards the compound. He could begin to feel the presence of his wife, she was so close. But something… wasn't… 

Before he could fully understand what he was feeling, two large men walked out onto the tarmac.

Alarm bells were going off in Bucky's brain. He knew the kind of men these were. Scientists they were not. These men were warriors. 

The fair haired one spoke first. “I hope you had a pleasant trip Sergeant Barnes. If you'll follow me, your wife is eager to see you.” 

Bucky nodded and clenched his jaw. Sizing them up, he was pretty sure he could take both of them down; he hoped it wouldn't come to that. But somewhere deep down, he knew it was inevitable. He instinctively felt for the knife at his hip. He just wanted to make sure that his wife was in one piece before things got bloody - so he played along. 

*  
The door to the bunker opened slowly. I kept my face calm as I took in what I saw. They told me Bucky Barnes was a fearsome weapon, with unmatched strength and cold efficiency, but they forgot to tell me that he was smokin hot. Tall and broad, dark hair falling into his grey-blue eyes: what a knockout. 

I swallowed. Then I jogged to him, a smile plastered on my face. I leapt into his waiting arms, and he buried his face in my hair. 

“Hey, _pisicuță, ”_ he said - his pet name for her. His mind was wide open to me. He was thinking: _I missed her smell._

__

__

As he pulled away from me, I felt him tense. I had pulled down the veil, like Kerri had shown me, and for now, he could not see through it; but I was shocked at the strength of the connection between us. 

“Sarah…? Is everything okay?” he put his hands on either side of my head. 

I nodded slowly, but as I gazed into this eyes, I felt the veil go thin. It was time. 

“What's going on, sweetheart?” 

I let the smile fall away from my face. 

“желание...”

Bucky's mouth opened as if to speak. 

“ржавый,”

“Sarah, what are you…?” 

“печь, рассвет…” 

“Oh, God!” Bucky shouted, pulling away from me, covering his ears with his hands. 

“семнадцать… доброкачественный… девять… возвращение… домой!” I raised my voice so it carried over his screams.

Anton and Hugh held Bucky by the arms, pulling them painfully behind his head as he struggled against them.

“один…”

“Sarah!! Please!” 

“...грузовой, вагон.” 

At my last word, Bucky's body crumpled in the arms of the guards. They released him and let him fall to the floor. He rested on his elbows, struggling for breath. 

Then he looked up to me. His eyes were hooded, shadowed with anger and fearless resolve. 

Inside, he was calm again. Unburdened by the conscience that had been plaguing him for too long. 

He got to his feet swiftly and flexed his metal arm, relishing in the simple power of the movement. He took a bold step towards me, but I did not step back. 

He looked down at me, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Ready to comply.” 

I refused to break his gaze, as Liam spoke behind him, “And how are you feeling, Soldier?” 

Bucky turned to him but did not answer. 

“We are the masters that you serve,” Kerri said, stepping forward. “Do you understand Soldier?” 

He slowly nodded. 

Kerri stared at Bucky, looking into his mind. “He is ready,” she said to Liam. 

“Very well!” Liam exclaimed. “Do you know who this woman is?” he asked, gesturing towards me. 

He looked into my face, there was no softness there. “She is the wife of James Barnes,” he stated as fact. 

Kerri and Liam looked at each other, “Kill her,” Kerri ordered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. This chapter contains some serious 18+ material, including violence, bloodplay, and dubious consent. If you are sensitive to those things, please proceed with caution.

The Winter Soldier unsheathed his knife, letting it play in his deft fingers for a moment, before lunging towards me. His movements were calculated and deliberate. It was really a thing of beauty, like watching a feral cat spring into action, ready to slaughter his unsuspecting prey. But I was hardly such easy prey. 

I saw the path of his movements before he made them; his body needed time to react. It was barely a moment but it was enough. I dodged his blows with accuracy, moving around him, narrowly missing the blade. We danced as such for under a minute, but I could feel frustration coming from the Soldier, mixed with an unmistakable pang of approval. 

Liam clapped his hands together, impressed. “Ha!!” he shouted with delight. 

His interruption caused a momentary lapse in concentration, just long enough for me to lose focus. 

Pain shot through my head as the butt of the knife collided with my jaw, causing me to reel backwards, almost falling. My ears rang and I felt warm blood on my mouth. The Soldier stopped. It was just a fraction of a second, but when he saw the blood, the Soldier hesitated. 

That moment of hesitation was all I needed. I crouched down in a flash, and knocked him clean off his feet, targeting the vulnerable spot behind his knees. 

He rose to attack again, but Liam shouted, laughing, “Okay! Okay! Enough! At ease, Soldier.” 

Liam walked towards me and grabbed my chin, surveying the damage to my lip. “I had no idea you would be so talented, my dear,” he said. “I think we’ll keep you alive after all. At the very least, you will make an interesting pet.”

The Winter Soldier frowned, spun his knife with a flourish and resheathed it. 

Liam let go of my chin, “Who's hungry?” he said, smiling like the cat who caught the canary. 

*  
We sat around the table like some kind of perverse family dinner, the Soldier at one end, and me at the other end.

Eleanor made her way around the table, dishing out roast beef and vegetables. Every time she got close to the Soldier, she began to visibly shake. She refused to look at him, she was terrified. 

“Come here, Ellie,” Kerri said. “You can relax now, honey.” She pushed Eleanor's hair behind her ear, smoothing some flyaways. “We have a new plan now, noone is going to hurt you, I promise.” 

Liam, already on his fourth glass of wine, began to speak. “You know, Ellie was originally going to be the one to seduce Bucky Barnes, get him close enough to use the crystal on him.” I wasn't sure who exactly he was addressing. “Ain't she pretty?” he slurred. “Come here, darling.” 

Eleanor walked towards him, looking at the floor. Liam grabbed her by the waist, pulling her sharply towards him. “But once we found out there was a Mrs. Barnes, we had to adapt. We didn't need you anymore, did we, sweetheart?” he smiled. “But even though you're a useless twit, I still like having you around,” he leaned down to kiss her neck. 

“That's enough!” Kerri cried.

Eleanor squealed and tensed. She tried to violently push herself away from Liam, but instead, her back collided with the table, causing a large pitcher of ice water to fall directly on to the Soldier's lap. He sprang up from the table, his eyes were aflame with brutal anger.

Eleanor screeched and covered her face with her hands. She began to cry softly. 

Kerri stood up and looked at the Soldier, right in the eyes, shaking her head slowly. 

The Soldier clenched his jaw and marched out of the kitchen, down the shadowy hallway to his room. 

“I guess dinner is over,” Liam snorted. 

*  
Before I was dismissed, Kerri explained the basics of the plan. I was to return to the tower as Sarah, and use my influence with Doctor Strange until he let his guard down. Then, I was to murder him while he slept.

Once the most powerful psychic member of the Avengers was taken out, the rest would be easily convinced of my innocence. We could pick them off one by one, and no one would suspect that ignorant, naive little Sarah Barnes had anything to do with it. 

I retreated to my room, more physically exhausted than I cared to admit. I frowned when I saw Liam leaning against the door to my cell. 

He spoke before I had a chance. “You know, you annoyed the shit out of me when you first got here,” he was very clearly still drunk. “But I have to say, I'm pretty happy with how everything turned out. I thought I would be satisfied with simply killing you, but this is so much more fun.” He reached up, shoving his hand in my hair, wrenching my head to the side painfully. “Breaking in Barnes’ wife sure is a pleasant form of torture… for me anyway.” 

He leaned down to kiss me, but before he could, I grabbed his left hand, shoving it backwards on the joint. Liam let me go, screaming in pain. It wasn't that I was particularly strong enough to inflict that much pain, but rather, I'd seen it in his mind - he'd broken that wrist before. 

Liam reached up with his uninjured hand and slapped me hard across the face. “Don't make me wipe you again, you bitch!”

I staggered and blinked, waiting for my vision to return. 

Liam wound up again, ready to deliver another blow, but something stopped him. The Soldier was behind him, holding tight to Liam's arm. 

Liam stumbled, almost falling on his face in his drunken rage. “What the hell are you doing??” he screamed in the Soldier's face. “How dare you TOUCH ME.” 

“That's enough, Liam.” Kerri emerged from the darkness. “Go to bed before you make yourself sick,” she ordered her brother. “Besides, the Bride will not go unpunished. The Soldier can do much more damage than you can, anyway.” Kerri smiled. 

Liam got to his feet and stumbled towards me, “You're going to wish it had been me,” he spat in my ear. 

*  
I surveyed the damage in the bathroom mirror. My lip was swollen and a bruise was developing on my left cheek, but all in all, it wasn't horrible. The pain made me feel grounded. 

I went back to my room, and found the Soldier there, waiting for me, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. 

“Can I help you with something?” I did my best to sound blazé as I rummaged around in the dresser drawer for my pajamas. I found an oversized grey hoodie and threw it on the bed. 

The Soldier stared down at me, his expression was made of stone. “They want me to hurt you,” he said, finally. 

I swallowed. He was a good four feet away from me, but I could feel the heat radiating from his body. His steely blue eyes bore a hole right through me. I was impossibly drawn to him. He scared me. I wanted him to touch me, I wanted him to fuck me. I wanted him to tear me apart. 

He could murder me and I would welcome it. 

“...and? Are you going to hurt me?” I said softly. I could feel my arousal pool between my legs. 

I knew he could sense my reaction, linked like we were, but he merely smirked and took a step towards me.

“You know, when you spoke those words, you brought me back - The Winter Soldier. And I'm grateful, believe me. But Kerri and Liam never bothered to wipe my memory,” he was close enough to kiss me. “They thought it would be… useful to maintain Barnes’ memories.”

I saw into his mind. It was like a montage of memories: when they first met, when they first kissed, when they first made love… Sarah had never taken a lover before James Barnes, and he'd touched her with such reverence. They were tender scenes, but they played like a movie, detached from any real emotion.

I pushed the thoughts away. “That's not me anymore,” I said, shaking my head.

“That’s not me either,” he whispered, and crashed his lips against mine. 

My injured mouth burned, but I liked it - even as he bit down on my swollen lip. I could taste blood, mixed with his saliva. Sweet and salty. 

Desire bubbled in my throat, almost choking me. I threw my arms around his neck and into his hair, pulling it through my eager fingers. 

He kissed me with exquisite violence, like it was the only thing keeping him alive, like a drowning man. He grabbed my legs and jerked them up and around his waist, falling forward until my back crashed hard into the metal door. 

I pulled away from his mouth long enough to groan as pain shot through my back. He took advantage of my exposed neck, and bit down on the tender skin. 

I felt myself buck against his waist, trying to gain friction. It felt like I no longer had control over my actions, my need for him was so strong. 

He swung me around and let me drop from his waist onto the cot. He stood tall over me, his face set with vicious purpose. 

“Take your clothes off.” 

He watched me as I complied, devouring my skin with his naked gaze. I lay back, defenseless, as he pulled his shirt over his head. 

He kneeled in front of me, pulling my legs towards him, my head bouncing on the mattress. He roughly pulled my legs apart. His eyes flicked away from my body for a moment and met mine, causing my dry bones to quiver.

“Do you want me to hurt you?” he asked. 

I didn't answer. I couldn't speak. He didn't need me to. I just swallowed and squeezed my eyes shut. 

He ran a metal hand up my thigh, not nearly close enough yet. I betrayed my desire when a moan escaped my lips, and my legs began to tremble. 

He reached down and pulled out the knife at his hip. I cried out with alarm. “Don't you dare make a sound,” he said calmly, “or I'll make it so much worse.” 

I knew he wasn't talking about pain. With pain he was generous. He was talking about torture. 

He pressed the cold tip of the blade against the inside of my knee. I leaned my head back, trying to catch my breath. Slowly, he ran the keen blade along the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh, closer and closer to my center. Blood beaded along the length of the cut. He didn't stop until he reached the delicate hollow where my leg met my body. 

I was on the verge of orgasm when he ran his tongue along the length of the wound, tasting me. He finally clamped his mouth down on my center, my arousal mixing with my blood - he devoured me. I pulled his hair and choked on my cries, determined not to give him the satisfaction of my sobbing. 

He stopped before I could come, checking me before I fell over the edge. My eyes flew open, and I watched as he pulled the rest of his clothes off.

Damn. 

He grabbed my legs and pulled until I half hung off the bed. He thrust himself into me sharply, without warning. I couldn't help but cry out with the sudden pain. 

He frowned and fell onto me. “No,” he whispered. He grabbed my t-shirt and pulled my hands up over my head, binding them together with the shirt. 

I whimpered against his shoulder as he drove deeper into me, holding his flesh hand over my mouth. He fucked the shit out of me, driving me closer and closer to orgasm, only slowing his punishing pace long enough to delay my release. 

Soon I thought I would die from this. I couldn't take any more, and I was ready to let him consume me.

My walls began to spasm, and this time he didn't stop. I crashed so hard around him, I was lost, squeezing him with all my strength. I didn't need air anymore, I just needed this feeling, the feeling of him coming inside me. 

He pushed into me deeply for the last time before finally pulling out, leaving me empty and throbbing. 

I was sure he would leave, that he would abandon me, humiliated and raw… but he didn't, not right away. Instead he watched as I caught my breath, his face was cold and unreadable. 

He frowned and snatched the thin blanket from the bed. I sat up and he wrapped the blanket around my naked shoulders. He stayed only a moment longer, before gathering up his clothes. 

He didn't look back as he withdrew from the room, leaving me alone and broken.


	7. Chapter 7

“Fuck!” I screamed, dropping the knife in the sink. 

“What the hell?? Are you okay?” 

“Yes,” I whined, “I'm just an idiot.” 

He came over and took my hand. Warm blood ran down my finger. He grabbed a clean cloth and applied firm pressure. Then he lifted the cloth to inspect the damage. 

“It’s just a flesh wound. I believe you will survive. But from here-on-out, you are forbidden from peeling potatoes.” 

“Good, I hate doing it anyway.”

He chuckled and washed my hand, dried it, and dramatically applied a yellow Pokemon bandaid to my finger. 

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you pout?” He wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed. 

“Shut your stupid gorgeous mouth.” I pinched his cheeks like an auntie, then gave his cheek a tiny slap. 

“Oh, you're gonna get it for that!” He started to tickle me with vicious determination. 

I doubled over with laughter, trying disentangle myself from his strong arms.

“Truce! Truce!” I struggled to catch my breath. 

“You got off easy this time, princess.” 

“You're a mean, mean man.” I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

“You love it…” he leaned down and kissed me.

***  
I couldn't open my eyes right away, they felt like they were being held down by lead weights. My head exploded with pain, running along my jaw and up to my eye socket. Everything ached, and I was sore between my legs. 

Finally, I forced my eyes open. The lights were dim, everything around me seemed to be made of metal. Had I been buried alive? I was gripped by panic. I looked down, my sore thigh was bandaged, neatly and efficiently. I sat up and held my head, trying to stop the room from spinning, when slowly, slowly I began to remember… 

Kerri… the experiments… that awful chair...

I looked at the clock, I couldn't have been out for more than two hours… How did I not notice someone in my room, bandaging my leg? I was dressed too, in Bucky's oversized grey hoodie…

Bucky? Oh my God… Bucky!

I started to hyperventilate, so I put my head between my legs. 

Okay. I had to think of a plan. I had to get out of there, immediately, before anyone realized that I'd come to my senses. 

I had to get Bucky and… 

… but he wasn't my Bucky anymore. 

It doesn't matter, I thought. I'll find a way to make him come with me… I'll find a way to fix him… Tears rolled down my bruised cheeks. I took a few deep breaths. I had to get moving. 

I reached out with my mind, my powers were still amplified, thankfully. Kerri, Liam and Eleanor were still asleep, but Hugh and Anton were awake, posted at both exits.

Bucky was awake too, I could feel him. I almost broke down again, when I sensed how different his mind was from the man I married. Cold, angry, confused…

I packed on as many warm clothes as I could, and crept out of my cell. Careful not to make a sound, I passed Kerri's room, then Liam's room. But I stopped in front of the door marked 0668 WS. 

I contemplated knocking, but I didn't want to make any noise. Before I could do anything, he opened the door and pulled me inside. 

The Winter Soldier's room was even more austere than mine, no furniture except the cot, and no blankets at all. Bucky always had a million blankets on his bed… he hated being cold. My mind jumped back to the events of the night before, but I pushed it away. He wasn't going to hurt me, not anymore. 

“You're going to get yourself killed, you know that?” he said. 

“That's what I'm trying to avoid. Bucky, I need…” 

“Don't call me that,” he said, turning to around and grabbing his leather jacket. 

I felt the tears start to rise again. I wanted to kiss him, to have him hold me in his arms, to protect me.

“We have to get out of here before Kerri and Liam wake up, Kerri will know immediately…” I whispered. 

“I realize that,” he said firmly. “This place is heavily shielded, both technologically and psychically. You won't be able to call for help until you're well and far away from this place. There's a remote transmitter station three miles east of here.” He pulled a compass from his jacket pocket and placed it in my hand. “I can get you out the back exit. Hugh is guarding it and he's the weaker of the two. But you'll have to move fast.” 

“You're coming with me,” I said. It wasn't a question. 

He didn't respond.

“Why are you helping me?” I said. 

“... I don't know.” His eyes were dark, and I thought I saw a shadow of his true self in them - just for a second - then it was gone. “Now follow me, QUIETLY,” he said, finally. 

“Wait! We have to get Eleanor, we can't leave her here!” 

He shook his head. “There's no time, it's almost morning.” 

“Buck… I can't abandon her. She's a prisoner here!” 

He furrowed his brow, then nodded reluctantly. 

We crept out into the hallway like mice, I found her room, a few doors down from mine, 0675 WW. I opened her unlocked door slowly. I knelt beside her bed and gently whispered to her. She started to wake up, but once she saw the Soldier behind me, her eyes went wide and she opened her mouth to scream. 

Before she could make a sound, I clamped my hand over her mouth. “Shhh!! Eleanor, please!” I whispered. “We're getting out of here! You can't make any noise, do you understand??”

Her eyes grew wider and she started to tremble, staring at the Soldier. 

“He’s here to help us, Ellie. I promise! You need to be quiet!” 

She started to weep against my hand. Talking to her wasn't getting us anywhere, so I reached out with my mind. I sent her every calming thought I could muster up. I showed her our plan. I even showed her some of my memories. Bucky and I laughing together… our wedding… the happiness we felt when we were together. Before my heart thoroughly broke, I took my hand off her mouth. 

“Oh.. “ Eleanor said softly. She looked at the Soldier. “You're not who you're supposed to be…” 

“We have to move now, okay?” I said gently. She nodded. 

I bundled her up in a jacket and hat, and held her hand tight. 

We crept out of her room, Bucky leading us to the back exit. We came to the end of another long dark hallway, and he signaled us to stop. 

Hugh was standing guard around the corner, so we devised a silent plan. I took off Eleanor's coat and hat, nodding at her, sending her calm thoughts. You can do this, I told her. She still looked utterly terrified, but she wouldn't have to fool Hugh for long. 

She walked into the dim light. Hugh started when he saw the small, gaunt girl approach him from the shadows. 

“Good Lord, girl,” he said. “You look like a damn ghost!” 

“But I am a ghost. I am. Didn't you know? Didn't you know? Didn't you know?” She started to laugh, then crumpled to the floor. 

Hugh crouched down beside her, too distracted by her strange behaviour to notice Bucky dart out behind him and wrap his metal arm around his thick neck. The big man struggled, but he was no match for the Soldier's strength. Hugh went down like a sack of potatoes, unconscious. 

Bucky wasted no time. He took off his jacket and used it to turn the heavy bolts in the metal door; the leather muffled the sound of the rusty hinges. 

He opened the door and the nighttime sun temporarily blinded me. I'd almost forgotten what the sun looked like, locked up in that bunker. 

I hesitated. “You're coming with us,” I said. 

Bucky set his jaw, “Go! Now!” 

I couldn't stop the tears now. “Not without you. Bucky, I…”

“Don't call me that,” he said. I could barely hear him. 

I reached out to touch his face, but he grabbed my wrist to stop me. 

Then I kissed him. I kissed him with everything I had left. I kissed him like it was the last time. To my surprise, he kissed me back - but only for a second… then he pushed me away. 

“I… I love you,” I sobbed. 

“No, you don't,” he said. He closed the door and locked it.


	8. Chapter 8

“How's she doing?” 

“How do you think?” Natasha flopped down on the couch and rubbed her tired eyes. 

Steve delivered his patented jaw clenching frown. 

“Sorry,” Nat shook her head. “She's stopped crying. I looked after her leg, it needed a few stitches…”

“And she still won't talk about it?” 

“Only the basics.” 

Steve nodded. “She's gone through a lot… enough for a lifetime. She just needs time.” 

*  
After we'd escaped the bunker, Eleanor and I started the trek to the outpost. Bucky was right, the bunker was heavily shielded, and I couldn't read anything from inside it. I had no idea if Kerri and Liam had woken up yet, or how long it would be before they came after us. 

It couldn't have been any colder than 20F, but the wind was frigid and biting. The walk should have taken about 45 minutes, but it took closer to an hour and a half. Eleanor was having trouble keeping up, teeth chattering and weighing heavily on my arm. I wouldn't let her stop to rest, so I was often almost dragging her. 

Blowing snow felt like glass against my face and my eyes teared from the glare off the snow. My thigh was burning with pain; I could feel it start to bleed again, drawing a warm line down to my feet. 

I began to wonder if this outpost actually existed, or if it was some kind of sadistic plot to make us freeze to death in the tundra. But then I saw it. It wasn't much more than a shack, with a small satellite dish on top. 

I deposited Eleanor in a snowbank, and wrenched the door open with my last ounce of strength. Luckily, the simple radio appeared to be working. 

“Mayday! Mayday! Hello??” I didn't even recognize my own voice. “Please! Hello??”

“We read you,” a SHIELD operations officer finally answered. “Identify yourself.”

I burst into tears of relief, “It's Sarah Barnes, please! Get Doctor Strange at once!” 

Barely five minutes passed, and a glowing gold portal opened beside the shack, and beyond it, warmth. Safety. Home. But what kind of home was it, without Bucky?

*  
I pulled my legs close to my chest, making myself as small as possible on the bed that Bucky and I had shared. 

I could hear Nat and Steve talking about me outside of our room. All of the walls in Stark Tower were soundproofed, but that didn't make a difference. No one could hide from me now, not anymore.

A strange calm came over me, now that I'd cried myself raw. Kerri may have fooled me, tortured me, fucked with my mind, and taken away the only man I've ever loved - but she's given me something else. Power. And I was going to make her regret it. 

The minds of those around me were like open books. The pattern of their thoughts came to me with delicate clarity. I never thought I would be capable of such control. It made me realize how ridiculously naive and childish I'd been. Thinking I could play in the big leagues? To be an Avenger? My hubris had cost me everything. 

Guilt burned in my gut, making me sick. I'd delivered Bucky into the arms of his past, just because I was too stupid to realize that I was being lied to. Me, gifted with psychic ability, couldn't see past a pretty face and a cockamamee story about psychic research. I'd let her convince me to leave everything and fly thousands of miles away to an abandoned torture factory that basically had HYDRA written on the roof in flashing rainbow lights… and I didn't do anything about it. 

I got up and started to get dressed. My leg throbbed, the freezing Natasha had used was starting to wear off. But I didn't mind so much. It helped me focus. 

I came to this dimension as a stranger, an outcast and a victim. Those days were over. I couldn't just sit back and wait for someone to step up. Nothing mattered anymore except finding Bucky. I didn't even care what version of him I found - I was going to get my husband back or die trying. I owed it to him. 

I splashed some water on my face, already expecting the ambush I was going to get when I entered the living room. Still, I made my best attempt to escape unnoticed. 

I put on my favourite leather jacket and headed out the door. Steve approached me right away. The Captain looked drawn, he had dark circles under his eyes. He was worried. Not just about Bucky but about me. 

“Sarah…” he said. 

I just shook my head. “I couldn't save him,” the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“Don't..” 

“No, I deserve it. You trusted me with him and I let you down. I let both of you down.”

Steve shook his head and started towards me.

I stepped back, holding my hand out at a distance. “I just need some time… to think.” 

Steve just nodded, sadly. “Take all the time you need.” 

*  
I managed to get out of the apartment without tearing up again, but it was a close call. You can imagine my delight when I was summoned by a voice behind me, before I could even make it out of the building. 

“Mrs. Barnes?”

I closed my eyes for a moment before turning around to face him. “It's Mrs. Barnes now is it? I don't think I'm Mrs. anything anymore, thanks to you.” 

Doctor Strange merely frowned. “Will you join me in my office for a moment?”

I marched into his office and sat down, dropping my head into my hands. Instead of sitting behind his desk, he sat next to me. 

“I'm sorry,” I said. It was muffled by my hands. Then I looked up. “I'm having trouble controlling my drama right now. I didn't mean to say that.” 

“Yes you did.”

“Yes, I did. But I shouldn't have.” 

“I can't tell you how sorry… “

“Stuff your sorries in a sack, Mister.” 

“Kerri had rock solid references… “ 

“Look, I don't blame you okay? I'm the one gifted with the superhuman mystical psychic powers. If I couldn't tell that she was evil incarnate, how could you have?”

“That's pretty generous, but I appreciate it nonetheless.” 

“However it happened, it happened. Now I have to deal with the consequences. And, honestly, I need your help.” 

Strange gestured for me to go on. 

“I need you to help me find Bucky,” I said. “The bunker’s been searched already, there's no trace of any of them. Bucky's way out of my range - wherever he is - or his mind is being shielded. I need you to help me amplify my powers so I can locate him… “ 

“Are you sure you want to find him?” Strange looked down.

“What?”

Strange got up before he continued. “It's been proven time and again that Sergeant Barnes’ mind is not stable…” 

“What, so you want me to just stop looking for him? He's a danger to more to just me, you know...” 

“No… I mean…” 

“What, we should kill him on site?” I got up, angry that my eyes had started to tear up again. 

“If he can not be changed…” 

“I can change him back. I know I can. What do you have against Bucky anyway??” I was getting hysterical. 

I looked into Strange's mind. The veil was still down, but it was translucent now. I could almost see… “What's the real reason you don't want to help me?” I said. “What don't you want me to see?” 

Strange was pacing, I could feel his anger start to bubble forth. He was choking on his words. 

“Come on, Stephen! What the hell is your problem!?”

“He's beneath you!” he shouted. He marched up close to me, his finger in my face. He was rocking with emotion now. “You came to this world with this wonderful gift, and what's more, you had potential. You're bright and curious and you've barely even started your life. But the minute you meet a man with a pretty face you…” 

“Okay, he's not just pretty - he's gorgeous. And shut up! We’re in love!” 

“If you're so in love, why were you so willing to leave him?”

“You are way out of line. I can't believe this whole thing comes down to your petty jealousy… I expected more from you, Stephen.” 

I knew I'd also crossed a line. I wasn't being fair, but then neither was he. I could sense that he had feelings for me, but he also knew they could be never be reciprocated. But I didn't have time to worry about Strange's feelings. I had to find Bucky and apparently I had to do it myself. 

*  
I basically ran down the sidewalk and into the subway. 

I sat quietly, but the thoughts of the people around me started to drift into my mind. That girl is worried about exams… that boy is wondering why his boyfriend didn't text him back… that woman was wondering what to make for dinner… Such insignificant thoughts felt so monumental all of a sudden. I gently blocked them out before the tide of emotion could overwhelm me. I spent the rest of the ride in the tormented silence of my own mind. 

*  
I didn't realize where I was going until I got there. The New York public Library. It seemed like a good place to think. It was also the place that Bucky and I had kinda had our first date. 

I went immediately to the basement, where the older tomes were kept. I ran my hands across the spines as I walked. Bucky loved to read. He was always reading at least three books at once. He always felt he had so much to catch up on. The books were still piled on our bedside table. I idly wondered if any of them were overdue… 

I wandered around the stacks for ages, until I noticed the patrons start to leave. It was almost 9pm, closing time. I started to walk towards the exit when I noticed that in fact, the basement was completely deserted. It was eerie, like it had happened too suddenly. 

I picked up my pace when a chill ran down the back of my neck. Something felt familiar, sinister… I was almost afraid to open my mind again. 

I thought I felt his lips on my neck… Before I could reach the stairs, someone grabbed me by the waist and dragged me back into the stacks. He swung me around until my back hit the shelf. 

“Boo,” Bucky said.


	9. Chapter 9

“Hey beautiful,” he said.

It was the Soldier who had me, pressed against the stacks, hard enough so the shelf pinched my back. 

I hadn't seen him coming until it was too late. I hadn't expected him to be anywhere near me, in this state, in this country, and I'd let my guard down, again. 

“Bucky… please…”

“Bucky Bucky Bucky. God, you're always whining. I honestly don't know how he could stand it.” 

There was nothing but cold metal in his mind now. Liam and Kerri had wasted no time. I saw an image of him in the chair, screaming in pain. They'd wiped his memories. They'd punished him for helping me escape.

“I can feel you digging around in there,” he said, pointing to his forehead. “Your husband is gone, you know. You're not going to find him.” 

“What do you want?” 

“As much as I'd like to explore that avenue, I am here on business, sweetheart.” 

With that, he grabbed me harshly by the arm and dragged me deeper into the basement of the library. 

I thought about screaming for help, but the library was deserted, they'd made sure of that. The only minds left there were mine, the Soldier's and… 

“Well well well Mrs. Barnes. I'd say you're looking well but… we both know that's a lie.” 

The Soldier deposited me in a dim storeroom. Liam was there, leaning against the brick wall, looking like a damn cocky twat. 

“Listen up you rancid sack of shit…”

“Wow, watch the potty mouth, darling. You can live out your last moments with a little grace you know.”

“What do you want?”

“To kill you, obviously. Kerri actually made a strong case for keeping you alive, but it won't be difficult to convince her that I didn't have a choice.” 

The Soldier stepped towards me, but I held my ground. “Really, you're going to sick Bucky on me? Can't you do your own dirty work?” 

Liam chuckled. “You really have no sense of self preservation do you?” he said. “You’re home for what, a few days, and you go galavanting around the city without any of your little Avenger buddies? Do you have a death wish?”

“I can hold my own,” I clenched my fist. If Liam came one step closer to me, I was going to clobber him. I could see inside him: the broken rib that still bothered him, his bum knee... I could exploit my knowledge if I could only get close enough. 

But of course, there was a little problem. The Winter Soldier was blocking the way. 

“Of course I'm going to sick Bucky on you,” Liam sneered. “It's so much more… romantic this way, don't you think?”

The Soldier locked his eyes on me, deeply shadowed and focused. I dove into his mind, trying to grab on to any glimmer of the man I loved, but it was too dark, it was like swimming through dead water. 

I held my hand in front of me and unconsciously stepped back, “Bucky…”

He took a swing at me, but I dodged it, darting to the right. 

“Bucky, please…”

“Don't call me that,” he swung again, grazing my cheek this time. 

“Hurry up, goddammit! This isn't a slow dance!” Liam shouted. 

The Soldier furrowed his brow and his heavy metal arm came down across my face, splitting my already injured lip so it started to bleed again. He flinched. 

“Bucky, stop…”

He shook his head, his hair was falling into his grey blue eyes. He wound up again...

“You need a haircut,” I said. 

He stopped, eyes wide.

“Remember the first time I gave you a haircut?” I said. “You said I cut it too short and you moped around the apartment for hours.” 

There it was. The glimmer. 

“Remember when I'd make you read Archie comics to me when I couldn't sleep? And you'd start laughing hysterically at the dumbest shit. I mean - those comics were NOT funny.” I smiled. “We'd both get so worked up that neither of us could sleep?” 

He closed his eyes tight. “Stop.”

He may have had his memories taken away, but I hadn't. I was going to make him remember. I held on to the glimmer, and pulled.

“Remember when you'd take me for rides on your bike? I held on to you so tight, you'd pretend that I'd broken your ribs?”

Bucky grabbed his head, “Stop it!!” There it was, I could see him now, lost in the dark. 

“And when you kiss me, you always give me a little squeeze… just a little pull on my waist or my arms… like, in that moment - you just need me a little bit closer…”

I found him. 

His eyes flew open, “Hey, doll,” he said softly. 

“What in the holy hell are you doing, Soldier? Do as you're told!” Liam screamed.

Bucky looked me, his eyes filled with tears. Then he winked. 

He leaned back again with his metal arm, and I braced myself. Instead of striking me, he punched the circuit box next to my head, plunging the store room in darkness.

Bucky turned to Liam.

“желание!” Liam shouted. 

Bucky shook his head. “Not this time.” He grabbed Liam around the neck and shoved him against the brick wall. It happened so fast - first he was struggling, then he crumpled to the floor, lifeless. 

The store room was silent for a moment, except for the sound of our heavy breathing. 

“Is he dead?” I asked. 

Bucky nodded. 

“Good.”

He finally lifted his eyes to look at me. He was hurt, sick, confused… but he was Bucky, there was no doubt about it. 

I ran to him and threw my arms around him. He was cold and motionless except for the rising and falling of his chest. 

“Bucky? Baby? It's me… you're safe, you're safe.”

He pulled back and took my chin in his hand, inspecting the blood on my lip. He began to tremble. Soon, he was falling, and so was I. We plopped to the floor together and I held him to my chest, rocking him like a child. Tears ran down our faces and mixed together, falling into his messy brown hair.


	10. Chapter 10

He touched her elbow gently. She turned around to face him, her eyes lit up like they always do. 

“You're home early!” She threw her arms around him. “You sneaky minx!” 

He buried his face in her hair and breathed her in, vanilla and lavender. “I caught an early flight,” he said, muffled. 

“Yay! I missed you more than I care to admit,” she leaned back in his arms and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. That simple gesture was so precious, so beautiful - his words caught in his throat. 

“I missed you, too,” he managed. 

“What did you bring me?” she bounced, holding her hands out. 

He chuckled and dug into his pocket. 

She ripped open the small box excitedly, almost causing the contents to fly across the room. She recouped in time. 

“Aww, baby, they're gorgeous!” She examined the pair of small, rough cut sapphire earrings. She pulled out her cheap studs and threw them on the counter, replacing them with Bucky's present. 

She ran up to the mirror. “They are the exact same colour as your eyes, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. 

She met his eyes in the mirror. “Promise you won't stay away so long next time, okay?” she said. 

“I promise, pisicuță.”

*  
Bucky drifted awake slowly. He fought the light, not wanting to leave the exquisite warmth of his dream. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop it.

The first thing he noticed when he finally woke up, was that he wasn't cold anymore. His room in the bunker was always freezing. Now, he was suspiciously comfortable. He didn't believe his eyes at first when he realized he was back in his own room. He was home, surely, but he was alone. 

*  
“I don't think this is a good idea, Sarah.” 

I played with my earring, spinning it around like I always do when I'm nervous. “Yes it is. It is the best idea I've ever had.” 

The Cap let out a long breath. “He's still… unstable… I don't think…” 

“Look, I know you mean well but... he belongs with me now.” I was starting to worry that Steve really wouldn't leave, but I needed him to.

Reluctantly, Steve nodded. “If you need anything… or if… if anything goes wrong...” he said. 

“I'll push the panic button, I promise.” I stepped towards him and let him envelop me in a legendary Steve Rogers hug. “He won't hurt me, I know he won't.”

Steve nodded, but he didn't let me go right away. “Thank you,” he said finally. “Thank you for bringing him back.”

*  
Bucky was starting to feel like himself again, and along with it, complete exhaustion and intense guilt. His mind was putting itself back together again, and like always, he remembered every detail of what he'd done. He felt like a coward for wanting to run away, to leave Sarah alone once and for all, but he stayed put - simply because he needed her. 

*  
I took a deep breath. Bucky was awake. I took a quick look in the mirror and scowled. My lip was swollen, my eyes were sunken, and my skin was tinted with a disturbing grey hue. I gave my cheeks a couple of slaps, then opened the door to our bedroom. 

Bucky was sitting up on the bed, and again, I was overwhelmed with relief at having him home. I sat down cross-legged in front of him.

“Hey stranger.” 

“Hey, doll.” There was so much sadness in his voice. 

I reached up to touch his face, but he flinched, so I put my hand back on my lap. 

I felt nervous, like I didn't know what to say. So naturally, I babbled. “Do you know what today is? It's one year exactly since I got sucked into your wacky dimension.”

“Is that right? And how's it been so far?” Bucky managed a smile. 

“Mmmm, pretty uneventful all-in-all…” 

Bucky chuckled then shook his head. “The library…” 

“It's been taken care of. And the New York Public Library will be receiving a sizable donation from the Stark Foundation to repair their electrical system.” 

He nodded, then was silent for a long time. His thoughts were scattered, tired, defeated. “Sarah…” 

“Save it.”

“What?”

I grabbed his hands and pulled them on to my lap. “Can we just skip the whole mega-guilt-pity-party?” 

Bucky started to talk, but I wouldn't let him. 

“It's my fault that you got taken by HYDRA again… I'm going to have to live with that forever. I know what you did, and I know what I did. Can we just forget about it for a little while?” Yep, I was crying again. 

With that Bucky took me in his arms, and finally, he kissed me, but he held me like he was worried I would break. 

“Don't you even think about leaving me, do you understand? I can't bear it.” I was sobbing. 

“Leaving you is the last thing I want to do, believe me.” He touched my bruised cheek. 

Finally, he turned to get up. I could see the pain on his face from the simple movement. His last session in the chair of death had taken a toll on his body, and the serum was taking its sweet time healing him. 

I got up and took his hand. He followed me as I pulled him into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and made sure the water was nice and hot. 

He looked like a little lost puppy, his full lips were red, his eyes glossy and brooding. I just wanted to make everything better, but I knew I couldn't. So I settled on giving him a bath. 

He stood quietly and let me undress him. His chest was bruised and burnt where they had placed the electrodes. They obviously didn't try to spare him any pain while they wiped his memories. 

I ran my hands across his scarred flesh and wished I could take his pain away. I couldn't - but Bucky could tell I was trying anyway. He let me into his mind fully for the first time since he had gotten back. It was a lot to take. So much pain, guilt, but also gratitude. 

I took off my clothes too and we stood under the warm water together. Bucky was trying really hard not to look at my cuts and bruises, but he couldn't help himself. I kissed him to try and distract him, and it worked for a little while. 

Soon, he was pressed up against me, and the water from the shower filled our mouths as we kissed. God, I'd missed it. I breathed him in like oxygen. At last his mind seemed to find peace, until he reached down to touch me between my legs. 

His hand found the long, angry gash on my inner thigh. He looked at me and I could almost feel his heart break. 

I shook my head. “I know it wasn't you, Bucky. It wasn't me either.” I said, knowing that nothing I said could make it better. 

“I can tell you this,” I said. “Even though I was out of my mind, I wouldn't have let you do anything to me that I didn't want you to.” 

That seemed to only upset him more. “Why?” he swallowed. 

“... I don't know. But I do know that no matter where my mind is, I'll always want you. I'm yours, no matter what.” I took his hand and placed it back on my leg.

His eyes were filled with tears and his face twisted in pain. He dropped to his knees in front of me, resting his head on my belly. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, pisicuță.” He was sobbing. 

“I know, baby, I know…” I pulled my fingers through his long brown hair, it was almost past his shoulders now. 

He ran his hand down along the line of scars on my thigh. I shivered despite the heat. He kissed my belly, then he kissed the scar between my legs. Then he kissed me where I needed it most. 

I pulled at his hair as he tasted me, so gently. He held me in place with his strong metal arm as I trembled. I came against his mouth so quickly, I started to giggle. 

He looked up at me and smiled, there was something of the old, mischievous Bucky Barnes in his expression. 

“Get up here and kiss me you silly boy.” 

He did more than that. 

*  
“I know you don't want to talk about it, but…” 

“You just can't help it? God, you're a pain in the ass, Barnes.” 

We lay tangled in the sheets, the pillows damp from our wet hair. My arm was draped around his chest, and I was latched to his side, determined to touch as much of his skin as possible. 

“Can you be serious for just a second.”

“There's a first time for everything,” I said. 

Bucky sighed. “Sarah, you know what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it anyway.” 

I groaned. 

“It’s not safe for me to be around people, and it's certainly not safe for us to be alone together. Liam and Kerri have made it clear that my mind is still vulnerable. I'm a ticking time bomb, doll, and if we don't find a way to fix it…”

“Don't say it,” I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest. 

“Sarah…”

“Don't you dare say it!” I shouted. “We're in this together do you hear me? Til death do us part, remember?” 

“Shh..shh…” he held me to his chest. 

“I'll think of something, I'll fix you… I promise... Bucky, my Bucky… I promise, I promise...” My exhausted sobbing only stopped when I finally fell asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD can these two BE anymore dramatic?? Anyway, if you can make it through the pain-fest, the ending will be really satisfying, I promise. Comment if you're enjoying the ride. <3


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up alone. 

“You son of a bitch,” I said, running for the living room. 

I burst out the door and realized that Bucky hadn't left, but was sitting on the couch with Steve. I also realized that I was still naked. 

“Hey, Sar… HOLY JESUS FUCK,” Steve cried, covering his eyes. 

“SORRY OH MY GOD!” I ran back into the bedroom to grab my hoodie and some pants. I shuffled into them, beet red. 

I meekly re-emerged from the bedroom and cleared my throat. “Ummm… morning Steve.” He still had his hands covering his eyes, and Bucky was trying to contain his laughter. 

“Are you decent?”

“Yes.”

“What the hell, Sarah??” Steve cautiously uncovered his eyes.

“I thought Bucky had bolted, okay? I panicked,” I flopped down on the couch next to the boys. 

“What, and you were going to run after me naked?” Bucky pinched my side.

“And can't you like, read minds? Couldn't you tell he was right outside?” Steve said. 

“Shut up! I was half asleep, okay? GOD.” I covered my red face with my hands. I could pretty much die of embarrassment, but I was delighted to see Steve and Bucky laughing again - even though it was at my expense. 

“Speaking of mind reading, what are you two up to?” 

“Well… we both thought… it would be safer…” Steve started. 

“If you camp out on our couch? Bucky doesn't need a babysitter, Steve.” 

“Yes, I do,” said Bucky. 

I let out a dramatic sigh and got up from the couch. “Alright, but don't blame me if you catch me naked again!” I shouted, and slammed the door to the bathroom. 

Steve laughed awkwardly. 

*  
Four days passed and I was ready to murder Steve Rogers. Sure, I'd had him as a roommate before, but that's when we each had our own bathroom. Bucky was more of a low maintenance kinda guy, while Steve spent an inordinate amount of time grooming. 

I could tell that the lack of privacy was getting to Bucky too, but he hid it better. Bucky used to surprise me with kisses anytime, anywhere, and they usually led to something. Now he kept me at arm's length, and worst of all, he was keeping his thoughts hidden from me. Though, I could guess what was on his mind. He didn't want to risk being alone with me, lest he lose control over his mind. He even “fell asleep on the couch watching movies with Steve” for the last few nights. In fact, he hadn't touched me properly since the night he came back. Sure, I had my husband back, but he felt so far away.

It was Saturday night, movie night. We were watching Lord of the Rings, and I very much wanted to cuddle up on Bucky's lap, but it didn't feel appropriate. What's more, Steve would not stop talking.

“So then I asked Nat what she wanted for her birthday, 'nothing’ she said. Like, what am I supposed to do with that? I mean, she won't even tell me when her birthday is, let alone…” 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP.” 

Steve and Bucky both stared at me. Steve shut up. 

“Oh my God, Steve I am so sorry! I am such a bitch! My nerves are just shot right now and…”

“Don't worry about it, Sarah,” he said, but I could tell that I hurt his feelings. “I know I've been getting in your hair lately I just…”

“I know, I know… it's safer this way.” I got up. “I'm going to go for a walk, okay?” 

“Do you want me to pause this?” Bucky said, he looked worried. 

“No, no… I won't be long.” I kissed Bucky on the mouth and left the apartment. 

*  
I wasn't really going for a walk, not a long one, anyway. I headed downstairs to Doctor Strange's office. He opened the door before I could even knock. 

“Hello, Sarah,” he even managed a smile. 

“Hey… “ I pushed past him into his office and took a seat. “How's Eleanor?” Strange had taken responsibility for the girl after I busted her out of the compound. “Have you found any of her relatives yet?” 

“Unfortunately not,” Strange said. “Her parents are deceased. She's all alone, I'm afraid.”

“Well, not anymore.”

“That's right. She's quite unique, you know. In addition to her abilities, she presents on the autism scale. She's a very bright girl, actually, when she's not terrified.” 

I smiled. I could sense that Strange was fond of Eleanor, and also very protective. He had a real appreciation for a unique mind, and he could be courteous, even warm when he found someone worthy. I was pleased with my decision to leave Eleanor in the care of the doctor. One less thing to worry about. 

We looked at each other for a few moments. “Look, I'm here to eat crow,” I said, finally. 

“Excuse me?”

“I was a real bitch to you last time we talked, and you were just trying to… protect me, I guess.”

He didn't respond.

“... anyway. I'm here to ask you - to beg you to help me.”

“Go on.”

“Bucky’s not… the same since he got back. He's distant, and scared. He's terrified of relapsing.”

“A very real possibility…”

I cringed. “Yeah, well, I need to help him. It's killing me to see him like this. I promised…” My eyes were tearing up again. “I promised I would fix him.”

“Okay, spare me the waterworks. What do you propose to do?”

“I can't get deep enough into Bucky's subconscious to permanently deprogram him. It's just buried too deep. But if I can get ahold of the Lucidity Stone, maybe it can give me that extra boost." 

“That is extremely dangerous. Being exposed to the stone for too long can cause a total mental collapse.”

“Well, I'm willing to take that risk.”

Strange sighed. He knew I wouldn't back down. “So where is the stone now?”

“Wherever Kerri is, the stone isn't far away. I know that for sure.”

“Very well, there may be something we can do to locate her, a spell…” 

“Awesome, bust it out. Let's get this bitch!”

“It's not that easy, Sarah! It is a very complex operation. I'll need to use my magic to increase your telepathic ability, and you should be able to locate her mind, no matter how far away she is. But…”

“But what? Spit it out!”

“The spell is rather, invasive… intimate even.” 

“... how intimate?”

“We'll have to connect our minds fully to get the maximum amount of range. Which means, we'll be able to see… everything…” 

“I'm already pretty much an open book already…”

“You don't understand. Every secret, every embarrassing moment… every private act or desire will be put on display. In a nutshell, we'll be exposing everything to each other.” 

“Oh…” I looked at my hands, and the tears started again. “I understand. I could never ask you to make such a sacrifice for me.”

Strange got on his knees and took my hands. “That's just it. I would and I will do it for you. I'm willing to let you into my mind, but I can promise you, you will not like what you see…” 

*  
I sent Bucky a quick text, telling him that I needed some time alone. I made sure to slam the door on my mind while we were still in the building. I couldn't risk Bucky finding out what I was up to. He would be so upset if I put myself at risk - especially if it was for him. I hated lying to Bucky, it almost felt like I was cheating on him. I pushed the thought aside - that would never NEVER happen. 

Strange and I took a taxi to his lair on Bleeker Street. I whistled when we went inside. There were mysterious artifacts in glass cases, thousands of beautifully bound books, and exquisite stained glass windows. “This is heckin swanky, guy.” I said. 

Strange rolled his eyes. 

“Why are you slumming it at Stark Tower?” I asked. 

“The lab facilities are exceptional at the tower.” He didn't volunteer anything more. 

I noticed a beautiful blue vase on his desk; an intricate design was rendered in relief on the surface of the clay. I reached out to touch it, but Strange swatted my hand away. “No touching,” he scolded. 

“Why? Is it an ancient Ming vase or something?” 

“No, it's from Bed Bath and Beyond. I just like it. You're clumsy.”

I snorted. 

“Okay,” he said, gathering some supplies in his arms. “Follow me.”

We went up several flights of stairs to a small chamber. There was no furniture, but the floor was covered in beautiful oriental rugs. 

I plopped onto the floor and watched as Strange walked around, lighting candles and incense. 

“Is all this necessary?” I asked when he was finished. 

He didn't answer, but merely glared, and sat down cross legged in front of me, only inches away. The closeness made me anxious, but I knew I had a lot worse in store. 

He reached over and took something out of his bag - Kerri's lab coat. He set it down between our knees. “Okay, I'm going to use my magic to amplify your abilities. It will be temporary, but it will be very intense,” he explained. “I need you to focus your thoughts on Kerri: picture her, visualize her energy… it's going to be tricky to maintain focus with my mind getting in the way. But I need you to concentrate. Do you understand?” 

“Yes.”

“Good, now give me your hands.”

I wiped the clammy off onto my jeans and grabbed on to his shaking, scarred hands. Strange grimaced, then closed his eyes. 

“Et mens sapiunt,” he said. “Sicut aliquis operatur, etiam cataractas…”

A peculiar swoon came over me, I felt dizzy. It wasn't instantaneous like when I touched the Lucidity Stone, it was gradual and visceral, like a cool stream of water running down my back.

The floodgates opened. It was confusing at first, I saw memories that weren't mine, and didn't they make sense. I tried to concentrate on looking for Kerri, but it was difficult. I was overwhelmed by Stephen's powerful, brilliant, damaged mind. 

Eventually, things started to become clearer, and certain memories pushed their way to the forefront, snapping before my eyes like scenes from a play. 

*SNAP*  
Stephen, as a little boy, playing with his trucks. It was raining. The phone rang. His mother was crying…

*SNAP*  
Stephen saw a girl across the street, she was beautiful… Christine… holding hands with her new man.

 _Pain…._

“Sarah, focus!”

 _Think about Kerri, focus on Kerri..._

*SNAP*  
Kerri was walking into Stephen's office for her job interview, a big smile on her face…

*SNAP*  
I saw myself, Sarah... dressed in Bucky's oversized hoodie, hair wet, eyes puffy. Beautiful. Beautiful? 

_Bucky Barnes? Uneducated brute… touching her. Marrying her? Ridiculous. She should be mine…_

_Desire, jealousy, rage._

“Sarah!! CONCENTRATE!” Stephen pushed the lab coat into my hand. 

*SNAP*  
Doctor Strange had refused to see the woman. She was too far gone, she would die regardless. Her wife was crying… pleading with the other doctors… Kerri?

*SNAP*  
Kerri… she was alone... it smelled like pine. The woods, burning leaves… She was sad… 

*SNAP*  
Then we were back in Stephen's office, he was signing the requisition to send me to Alaska… 

_The farther away the better… soon she'll realize…_

“Sarah, please!”

*SNAP*  
Kerri was in her cabin, the one she built with her wife… alone now. I saw her picture on the wall… 

I was being pushed away. It felt like I was being shoved by a rhino. I fell backwards onto the carpet, my head swimming. So sad… 

I started to cry, big heavy gulping sobs. The intensity of emotion that I'd just witnessed had knocked the wind out of me. 

Stephen got to his feet and helped me up. “Sarah, are you okay?? I'm sorry! I'm sorry…”

I was almost hysterical, so he wrapped me in his arms and held me tightly until I started to calm down. 

“You… how long did you know?” I said. I wasn't even mad, I was just sad. 

Stephen looked at me longingly, his face inches from mine. “I'm sorry, Sarah…” was all he said. 

Suddenly, I heard a thump, and the door to the chamber flew open. 

He didn't speak at first, just merely stared at us like he didn't recognize us. “What the hell is going on?” Bucky said softly.


	12. Chapter 12

I tumbled out of Doctor Strange's arms and almost fell on my face. Bucky was there in an instant, to catch me before I fell. 

“What are you doing?” Bucky said. He put me back on my feet, frowning at my tear-swollen face. Then he turned to Strange. “You hurt her,” Bucky's eyes went dark. 

“No, Bucky, he was helping…” I started. I don't think he could even hear me. 

“I knew you wouldn't be able to keep your filthy hands off her.” Bucky said through gritted teeth. 

Before I could stop him, Bucky lunged towards Strange, striking him hard across the face with his metal arm. Once, twice, three times. Strange didn't even try to stop him, he just held his useless hands in front of him.

“Bucky! Stop!” I screamed. “Please! Let me explain.”

Bucky grabbed Strange by the collar. “She’s mine do you hear me?? MINE.” I could barely recognize my husband's voice. 

He wound up to hit him again, but I grabbed ahold of Bucky's flesh arm.

“Please, sweetheart… please…” I tugged as hard as I could, but Bucky shrugged me off like I was a feather on his shoulder. 

“I'm sorry,” Strange managed, through bleeding lips. 

Bucky hit him one last time before letting him drop to the floor. “Don't come near her again, or I'll kill you.” He was breathing heavily, the anger that was coming off of him in waves was slowly dissipating.

“Bucky, Holy shit!” I cried. “He was only… trying to help…” I couldn't get the words out, I was sobbing. 

Bucky turned to face me, and looked at me like he hadn't realized I was there. 

“Sarah?” he said. He blinked. He looked down at Doctor Strange. “Oh God… what did I…” He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. 

“Oh God…” he whispered. 

*  
Back at the apartment that Bucky and I shared, Stephen Strange held a bag of frozen peas to his lip. 

“It happened about seven years ago,” Strange said. “I had a perfect record. No other surgeon in the United States could match my skill. Not a single fatality. Do you know what kind of grants you can get with a record like that? The benefit to the hospital alone…”

“Get to the point please.”

Strange sighed. “It was a climbing accident. Kerri's wife, Cameron, had fallen 50 feet onto solid rock. Her back was broken. Her spinal cord was severed. She had hours left. I made the call.”

“You refused to even see her?” Steve asked. The Cap was sitting next to Bucky on the couch, making a physical barrier between the doctor and his friend. Bucky hadn't said a word since we got home. 

“I don't make a habit of treating dead people.” Strange replied, “or dealing with their grieving families.” 

“So, you're telling me, all this time… Kerri was trying to get back at you?” Steve asked. 

“So it seems,” Strange said. “Her brother Liam's vendetta against Sergeant Barnes was just a means to an end. Kerri was the one orchestrating this from the beginning. It was her plan to reactivate the Winter Soldier, and have him kill me in cold blood - thus killing two birds with one stone - avenging her wife and her brother in one fell swoop. I'm afraid Sarah just got caught in the middle.” 

“Wow, do I have some bum luck, or what?” I said. The boys simply stared at me with brows furrowed. 

“Okay,” I stood up. “Now that we have this all figured out, let's talk about finding Kerri…”

“How long did you know?” Bucky said without looking up. 

“How long did I know what?” Strange asked. 

“That Kerri was a raving psycho. What do you think?” Bucky said. I could feel his anger start to rise again, clouding his judgement. 

“I didn't make the connection until a few days ago, I didn't…” 

“You didn't realize?” Bucky stood up, fists clenched. “She could have died.” 

“Okay, that's enough.” I stood in front of Bucky, and put my hands on his chest. “At ease, Sergeant “ I said, shoving him back gently.

“There will be no more beating the shit out of anyone tonight okay?” I said. “I'm tired.” 

Strange started to speak, but I held my finger up. “Listen up. There is too much testosterone in this room. Y'all are going to listen to me now, got it?”

Steve betrayed a little smirk. 

“The spell worked, that's all that matters right now. I have a good idea where Kerri is hiding out, and for the time being, she has no intention of leaving.” I said. “So tomorrow, we're going to go find her, get the stone, and use it to fix Bucky. Because personally, I'm getting pretty sick of this alpha male dick measuring contest.” 

Steve snickered. 

“So, now, you two are going to leave us alone, and get some sleep, capisce?” I said pointing to Stephen and Steve. 

Steve turned serious for a second. “Sarah, I don't think I should leave…” 

“FRIDAY,” I cut him off. 

“Yes Mrs Barnes?” the computer answered. 

“Please set up an alert. If I am in any danger from Sergeant Barnes or anything else, please alert Captain Rogers immediately.” 

“Alert set.” FRIDAY replied. 

“Happy?” 

Steve nodded reluctantly. “Call me if you need anything,” he said, before turning to leave. 

Strange stepped towards me, and I could feel Bucky tense behind me. “Again, I'm sorry.” Strange said, trying to ignore the huge man glaring at him. 

“I know you are,” I said. 

They finally left, leaving me alone with my husband for the first time in a long time. 

Bucky turned from me and started to pace. “We shouldn't waste time…” he said. “We should find Kerri now…”

“You need to calm down…”

“I can't calm down!” Bucky cried. He never raised his voice to me. “Sarah, I… I can feel myself changing. The anger… I'm having trouble controlling it…” 

“I know, baby… I know.” I stepped towards him, but he stepped back. “We'll get the stone… we'll fix you…”

“What if you can't?” 

I gaped. 

“What of this is who I am now? What if the Winter Soldier is all I'll ever be?”

I shook my head. “You're not… you're…” 

“There's something inside of me, and it's dark and it's mean… and if I can't control it, we can't be together. When I married you, I promised to protect you…” 

I rushed to him and grabbed his shoulders. “There's something you don't understand,” I said, calm for the first time in a long time. 

“You feel responsible for me, I get it.” I pushed my hands into his hair. “You keep saying that I'm yours… but you keep forgetting - you are mine. And I'm not giving you up without a fight. If the darkness is a part of you, then it's a part of me too.” 

“But… I'll hurt you…”

“You could never hurt me…” I said, kissing him hard on the mouth. 

Bucky's arms wrapped around my waist, knocking the breath out of me. The emotions flooding both of our minds was intense and intoxicating. For the moment, he let down his resolve. He wanted to possess me, and I wanted to be possessed.

He lifted me up and brought me to our bedroom. When we got there, I pushed him down on the bed, climbing on top of him. He kissed my lips and sucked my neck, leaving little bruises behind.

He reached up to take off my shirt, but I stopped him, holding his hands down over his head. It was a useless gesture, of course, but the message was clear. 

“No,” I said. “Mine.”

He left his hands where I'd put them, staring up at me with lusty awe. 

I reached down and pulled my shirt off, moving off of him only long enough to help him get undressed. I pulled off my panties and climbed back over his thick thighs. 

I leaned down to run my tongue over the length of his cock. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. I took him into my mouth fully. I felt his mind finally… finally start to relax and give in to the pleasure of my touch. 

I pulled my body up toward him and slowly lowered myself onto his cock. I was still for a moment, it was always slightly shocking taking him all in at once. I twitched my hips slightly, it felt so good to feel so full. 

He reached up to grab my hips, but I slapped his hands away. I braced myself on his chest and slowly, agonizingly slowly, starting grinding against him. 

He was practically trembling beneath me, it was taking all of his self control not to slam into me, but he held on. I pushed down with all my strength, impaling myself over and over. Soon, my juices covered him, and I began to shake. The friction of my clit against him was too much. I leaned back and cried out as I vibrated around him, milking him for all he was worth. 

His hips pushed up involuntarily, pushing ever deeper into me. He sat up and came inside me, fucking me through my orgasm, holding me tightly so I wouldn't fall backwards. 

Finally, we started to come down, and he lay me down on my back. He pulled the covers over our sweaty bodies and pulled me to his chest. 

“You and I, we're sticking together, no matter what. Understand?” 

“Yes ma'am,” he said, and kissed me again.


	13. Chapter 13

It was a clear day on the mountain. Not a cloud in the sky, and I had to squint against the glare of the sun. The air was cool and crisp as it moved gently through his long dark hair.

He didn't look at me right away, he stared at the beautiful landscape like he was committing it to memory. I reached out for his hand and he squeezed it. 

“I promised I'd protect you, no matter what,” he said, finally turning to me. I knew that look. It was the look of a broken man, a man who had made up his mind. 

I fought for words but I couldn't speak. 

He let go of my hand. “This is the only way,” he said softly, then kissed me. He let me go too soon and ran towards the edge of the cliff. 

I tried to grab him, I tried to run, but I couldn't move my legs. I stood, helpless, and watched as he went over the edge...

***  
I felt the wind as it passed by my face, I was floating, I was falling…

“Sarah!” 

He caught me before I landed on the bedroom floor, and pulled me back onto the bed. 

“Are you okay?” 

I blinked. He was still there, he was alive, sitting on the bed next to me. I threw my arms around him. “Jesus Christ, don't scare me like that…” I said.

“Scare YOU? You almost took a nosedive into the nightstand,” he squeezed me closer. “Nightmare?” 

I nodded against his shoulder. 

“Don't worry… it's over now. You're safe.”

But was it really over? The significance of the day's mission weighed heavily on both of us. We needed to find Kerri and the stone; our relationship - and Bucky's life - depended on it.

We sat at the table and ate breakfast in silence, both of us too nervous to talk. I wouldn't entertain the idea of failure, but I was almost shaking with anxiety. Bucky tried to keep his mind calm, for my sake, but he was doing a poor job of it. He knew how much he had to lose. 

We settled on the couch and waited for Steve and the Doctor to arrive. We looked at each other, and did the only thing we could think of that would calm us both down: we made out. 

It felt so good to be physically close to him again. His hands running up my back, his lips warm and sweet. A little factoid about Bucky Barnes: he loves to kiss, and he’s good at it. Always full of passion, he made me feel cherished every time he pressed his mouth to mine. 

When we first got married, we'd spend hours in each other's arms, touching and kissing until our lips were red and swollen. There was nothing better than being lost to each other, but today it felt bittersweet.

I only let him go when I sensed the men approaching our door. Bucky caught his breath and touched my cheek, before getting up and answering the door. 

“You guys ready?” The Cap said, a little too enthusiastically, suited up and ready for action. 

Bucky and I looked at each other, but didn't answer. 

*  
It was a clear day, not a cloud in the sky. Strange had portaled us onto a secluded plateau about halfway up Mount Robson, in the Canadian Rockies. 

We were far away from the tourists and nature enthusiasts, as the peak was only accessible by difficult, steep trails. A rustic cabin, barely more than a shack, was built near a wooded area away from the cliff.

I recognized it. I'd seen it, somewhere buried in Kerri's memory. It was overrun with vines, crawling up the weather split boards: but a small trail of smoke trickled from the chimney. She was there. 

I could sense her long before we saw her, on the other side of the woods, at the edge of the cliff. I could sense she was calm, and was expecting us. 

We approached her from behind. She looked out at the stunning vista, she looked peaceful. She wore a big grey sweater, and her arms were wrapped tightly around her. 

"We were happy here," Kerri said, without turning around. "I didn't think I'd ever find someone who would put up with me, but she did. Even when I was working non stop. I'd ignore her for weeks but she stuck by me. She begged me to come climbing with her, but I was too busy… always too busy. I wasn't there when she fell. Maybe if I had been… " 

"It wasn't your fault," Strange said, approaching her cautiously. 

She turned to face him. "No, I suppose it wasn't. It was yours."

"I couldn't have saved her…" 

"You could have tried," she said "You know, all I've wanted since the day she died was to make you suffer… but now I realize my efforts were unnecessary. Someone like you will never be happy."

I could sense that she had no intention of fighting us, and her mind was clouded with intense sadness. 

"Please give me the stone, Kerri," I said.

"What, this?" she took the glowing orb out of her pocket. "What good can it do you? It won't solve your problems. It won't make your husband a good person. Even if it did, you'll still be doomed to suffer - it's human nature." She tossed the stone up in the air, precariously close to the end of the cliff.

"Okay Sylvia Plath, can you just back away from the cliff please, we can talk about it," I said. 

"I thought that if I held on to this thing, gave myself up to it, I would find peace," she said. "All I found was profound loneliness."

"Eleanor," Strange said. "She misses you. She loves you, you know. You showed her kindness when no one else would." 

"And what kind of life can I give her? An insane surrogate mother, locked up for life?" Kerri spat. 

She looked at the stone in her hand, then back at Doctor Strange. "I don't know what would be the more fitting punishment for you, Stephen: destroying the stone and devastating the woman you love? Or giving it to her, saving her husband, and insuring that you will never have her?" 

"Please, Kerri." I said. "Just come away from the edge okay? I know you're in pain, but…" 

"You're lucky that your powers haven't increased to the point that mine have, Sarah," Keri said, quietly. "You still haven't quite realized it. In every mind it's the same thing. Life is pain. And nothing can change that." 

I stepped towards her, but she turned around and ran. It happened so fast - but it felt like slow motion. She closed her eyes and jumped, taking the Lucidity Stone with her.


	14. Chapter 14

"No!!!" I lunged after her. I don't know what I was trying to accomplish, she was long gone. 

Bucky grabbed hold of me before I could go tumbling over the edge myself. "But… we have to… Kerri! No… " I burst into tears, overwhelmed with grief over the loss of the stone, and the loss of Kerri. Sure, she was an evil bitch, but I didn't want this...

Bucky held me, but was stoic. I could see it in his mind. He knew something like this would happen. 

I was busy with my hysterics, while the boys remained quiet. I could feel their sadness, frustration, shock. But Strange's reaction was worst of all. Guilt. He was crippled by it, and stood staring over the edge of the cliff, unmoving. 

Soon, ever practical Steve Rogers spoke. "Let's go home," was all he said. 

*  
"Alright, I know everyone is pretty freaked out right now, but we have to regroup," Steve said. 

We were sitting in a sterile boardroom in the tower. I was shaking, my teeth were almost chattering, but I did my best to hide it. Sure, I'd grown up in a mental institution, and I'd seen some things… but I'd never seen anybody kill themselves in front of me before. 

"What happened… to her?" I asked. 

Steve frowned, "We had a crew recover her body… I'm afraid the stone was missing. Presumably washed away with the current." 

I nodded. I knew it was lost, I could feel it. "So what do we do now?" I said. 

"Well, with Liam and Kerri gone, at the moment, noone is actively trying to kill you, which is a plus," Steve said. 

"What about Bucky?" 

Steve furrowed his brow. Strange frowned. Bucky looked at his hands. No one spoke. 

"Well? Any bright ideas? Avengers? Come on! We have a problem here!" 

"Sarah…" Bucky said finally. 

"What? You're just going to give up? Come on, Strange! You're all magical and shit, fix him!!" 

Strange set his jaw. "I… don't know how." 

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" I was about ready to pass out, but I was too angry. 

Steve looked at Doctor Strange. He understood. 

"If you need anything… " Steve said, before he and Strange left us alone in the boardroom. 

"Look, can we just go upstairs? Sleep on it? We'll figure it out tomorrow, " I said. 

"I'm not going upstairs," Bucky said. "I'm leaving."

"The hell you are!" 

"It's already been settled. Steve and I already talked about it. If we couldn't find the stone, we needed a backup plan."

"What plan?" 

"I'm going back into cryo until a solution can be found," he couldn't meet my eyes. 

"Uh-uh, no way," I said. "Not happening."

"It is happening."

"Over my dead body!"

"Sarah…" 

"I'm sick of this shit, James. My heart can't take any more of this. You're here, you're gone, you're here, you're gone… it's making my head spin." 

"I know it is, that's why I have to go… once and for all… so you can… move on." 

"Jesus. Did Strange put you up to this?"

"You know he didn't."

"Fine. If you're going to take off and hide again, first you're going to let me try something." 

"It's not safe…"

"Fuck safe," I said, and dragged Bucky by his metal arm, through the boardroom and down the hall to the lab. 

"Stay," I ordered, before leaving and running to Strange's office. I grabbed my supplies and bolted back to the lab, relieved that Bucky was still there. 

"FRIDAY, activate lockdown sequence Barnes, Sarah M."

"Lockdown initiated," the computer responded. 

"What the hell, Sarah?"

"Shh… shut up. FRIDAY, is the safety alert still in place?"

"Yes Mrs. Barnes. Captain Rogers will be notified if you are in any danger," she replied. 

"Happy?" 

Bucky shrugged.

"Sit," I demanded, pointing to the floor. 

Bucky plopped down, sitting cross-legged. 

I busied myself with my supplies, lighting candles and incense.

"What's all this for?" Bucky asked. 

"Umm," I honestly didn't know. "Atmosphere." 

I sat down in front of him, so our knees touched. "Okay," I took his hand. "I need you to relax, and breathe. I'm going to go into your mind."

"We've tried this before Sarah…" 

"Not like this. Not really," I said. "You're always hiding something from me. The dark parts. The parts you want to forget. Well, we're gonna bring them to the surface, and exorcise those demons. So they can't be used against you… ever again."

"I don't think…" he was terrified.

"Don't think," I held his hand to my breast. "See my eyes… feel my love for you. Trust me… please James." My words came out like a plea from a desperate woman, and it took all my willpower not to burst into tears. 

Finally, Bucky nodded. 

"Close your eyes…"

All you could hear was the two of us breathing. With every breath, I went deeper, deeper into his subconscious. Childhood memories, lost loves, foolish regrets… they flashed by me at lightning speed. They weren't what I was looking for. 

I dug deeper, until I saw the faces of the people he'd killed. It wasn't really him, of course, but he still carried all the guilt and pain. 

I could feel Bucky tense. 

"желание."

"What the hell are you doing?" Bucky dropped my hands and recoiled from me. 

"It's just a word Bucky," I said gently, I was worried he would bolt. "You have to face it, understand it, so it can't control you anymore. Do you understand?"

He nodded. 

"Do you trust me?"

He nodded again.

"Then please, let me try…"

Slowly, he put his hands back in mine. 

"желание… what does it mean?"

"Longing."

"Yes, what do you long for, James?" 

"I just want…"

"Don't overthink it…"

"Forgiveness." 

"You can only forgive yourself now."

"I… don't deserve absolution. I'm a monster."

"This is something that was done to you, not something you did. You have to let go of the guilt so that you can be free to be a good man." 

Something inside Bucky clicked, a weight lifted. What I was saying made sense. 

"ржавый, печьь," I continued. I don't know if I was speaking out loud anymore, or just inside our heads. Either way, Bucky heard me. 

"Rusted… furnace…" Bucky said the words like they burned his tongue. 

"Find the memory."

"That place… so hot, dark, twisted metal - pain." Bucky winced. 

I could feel the shocks on my skin: the pain sparked through his mind, like it was still fresh. 

I held my breath against the pain, "It's over, you got out… you're safe now."

Bucky's face was contorted with agony. 

"You're safe."

Bucky breathed out, and the pain subsided. 

"рассвет."

"Daybreak… " he said. "...by the morning I was gone."

"But you always come back…"

It was becoming easier now, Bucky was beginning to break through the tangled web of his subconscious, little by little. 

"доброкачественный" 

"Benign."

"You're in control now, James. No one else, just you."

I could feel him fighting, fighting for dominion over his memories. And he was winning. 

"семнадцать, девять, один…"

"I was born in 1917. 102 years ago."

"They're just numbers, Buck."

"102 years that I wasn't allowed to live…"

"возвращение домой."

"Home?" 

"You're home now, James. I'm your home."

We both knew that the last phrase would be the hardest. 

"...грузовой вагон," I whispered, definitely out loud this time.

"Freight car."

"You almost died that day."

"I thought I had." Tears rolled down his face.

"... but you didn't."

"I'm still alive..."

The iron cage that kept him captive for so long turned to dust. He opened his eyes and looked into mine. I'd never seen his eyes so blue. Something of the shadows that haunted them had been diminished. His mind was clear, calm and at last… his own. 

He blinked. "Sarah?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I feel better," he breathed out, and to my surprise, he started laughing. It was so unexpected and so infectious, I started laughing too. 

We'd shared such a profound bond, it felt like losing your virginity, or falling in love all over again. 

He pulled me on to his lap, struggling for breath through tearful joyous laughter. He was beautiful. 

He finally stopped laughing long enough to kiss me. "Thanks a million, doll," he said, and winked. 

"Who you callin a doll, meathead?" I laughed and swatted at his shoulder.

"Oh, you're going to get it for that," he said, and tickled me until I fell off his lap and on to the floor. 

He climbed on top of me, "I love you."

I ran my fingers through his long brown hair. 

"Love you too, Bucky."

I'll tell you one thing: it's a good thing we were on lockdown. Because we made love that night - right there on the floor of the lab - more than once.

*****  
"So I was thinking…" 

"A rare and dangerous feat."

Bucky rolled his eyes and continued, "I've finally thought of a call sign for you."

"Call sign?"

"Yeah, like Winter Soldier, Iron Man… you need a code name."

"If you say 'Winter's Bride' I will strangle you." 

Bucky chuckled, "No, I was thinking, you're a smart dame…"

"Watch it."

"...woman. More than smart, you're special."

"Go on."

"You're intuitive to the point that it's creepy, you can see inside people's minds, you can see the future…"

"Sorta."

"...sorta. Well, you're a witch aren't you?"

"Not really, but I'm listening."

"So I thought. 'The Oracle'." 

"The Oracle?"

"Yeah."

"You know, I like it - it's super crazy sexy cool…"

"Shut up…" Bucky laughed.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Not a chance."

I didn't have to wait long, however. Bucky pulled the car over on a sleepy little street in Brooklyn Heights. The trees were old and lush, and cozy houses lined the avenue. 

He came around to my side and opened the door for me. He helped me out of the car and wrapped his arms around me. 

"Happy anniversary, sweetheart," he said. 

I looked up at the house. It had a perfect red mansard roof and a bed of tulips in the front yard. The front door was painted a vibrant yellow, and the lawn was hedged by an honest-to-God white picket fence. 

"No… Really??" I cried. 

"Yep."

"It's ours?"

"It's ours."

I burst into tears almost immediately. Before I could stop him, James Buchanan Barnes swooped me up in his arms, and marched up the front steps.

"Does this mean I don't have to deal with Steve showing up at 5am?"

"Yep."

"Does this mean I can have a cat?"

"Absolutely."

"And we can have sex as loud as we want?"

Bucky chuckled, "Anything for you, princess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the end!! Stay tuned for a short epilogue.
> 
> Once again, please leave a comment and let me know what you think! <3


	15. Epilogue

I sank deep into the copper tub until the water just covered my nose. I blew little bubbles in the water and wiggled my toes. 

"Relaxed?"

"No," I said without opening my eyes. "I'm still super stressed."

Bucky chuckled. "Maybe I can help with that."

Bucky's hand broke the surface of the water and reached down to touch my leg. 

"Are you sure you're not going to rust up there, RoboCop?"

Bucky snickered. He snaked his hand around my thigh and between my legs. He could be so gentle with his metal hand when he wanted to be, and he knew how much I loved it. Smooth and cool, even in the warm water, he pushed inside of me, first one finger, then two… 

He kissed me before I could cry out, laughing against my lips. It amused him to know how easily he could make me come. I held my breath and let him push me through my orgasm. 

"Better?"

"You're clearly trying to drown me."

"Naw, I just couldn't resist. You're like a gorgeous, sexy… boiled ham in here."

"Shut up BUCKY!" I cried and splashed him thoroughly. 

"Oh, you asked for it, doll." He stood up and pulled off his white t-shirt, followed by his boxers. 

I shrieked as he climbed into the tub on top of me, displacing a huge amount of water and soaking the floor of our plush hotel room.

"What are you doing, you lunatic!"

"What? I'm not going to let you drown alone, darling." 

I continue to marvel at how talented my husband is. He maneuvered my hips and pulled my legs around him; all the while, his lips never left mine, muffling my laughter. He was inside me in an instant, and my laughter dissolved into soft moans. 

Water splashed all around us as he pushed into me, the heat of the water and the weight of him stretching me to the brink. He began to move slowly and deliberately, grinding his hips against me. Again I was coming, so much more intensely this time, with him not far behind. 

He rolled me over so I lay on top of him, still connected. Most of the water was gone. I crumpled on top of him, exhausted. 

"Okay…you win. I'm relaxed now," I said. 

*  
The warm Venetian sun beat through the open window, drying our wet skin as we lay on the bed. Bucky held me close, playing with my hair while I dozed. 

The shrill cry of a seagull near our window broke me out of my sleepy stupor. The sun was getting low, and I shivered from the cool afternoon breeze. 

"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes. 

Bucky leaned over and checked his phone. "17:15," he said. 

"Fuck!" I sprang up. "We're going to be late!" 

Bucky groaned. "Do we have to?"

I scurried around, fumbling into my clothes and trying to untangle my damp hair. "Yes, Bucky!! This is important!" 

"Ughh… fine," he said, reluctantly getting up from the bed and wandering back into the bathroom, affording me a rather nice view of his naked butt.

*  
An hour and twenty minutes later, and the sun had begun to set. We sat on the veranda, two untouched glasses of very expensive wine sat on the table in front of us. I yawned. 

We'd made it to our destination on time, but we'd still been waiting for over an hour. 

"You know, when I said I wanted to travel more, this is not exactly what I had in mind," I said. 

"What, you didn't want me in your ear during your entire vacation?" The voice came from my earpiece. 

Captain Steve Rogers was stationed atop an ancient church, across the piazza from our little café. 

"Frankly, I'm hurt," he said in my ear. 

"Are these guys going to show up this century, Steve?" Bucky asked, leaning back in his chair. 

Before he could answer, two men in white cotton suits emerged from the south dock. One had a briefcase in his left hand. 

"Heads up," Steve said. "The twins at three o'clock."

"I see them," Bucky said. 

"So much for a second honeymoon," I said, getting up. 

Bucky chuckled and reached for me. "Ready Mrs. Barnes?"

"As I'll ever be, Mr. Barnes." I took his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Thank you for reading! I love each and every one of you. <3
> 
> Please stay tuned for the third segment of this series: Mr & Mrs Barnes - which will include time travel, hilarious shinanigans and 1940s Bucky! 
> 
> Coming soon.
> 
> Bye!


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